She never replied…now you’re wondering how to text women?
It seemed like you really hit it off when you met.
She was smiling, flirting, and enthusiastic. You snuck in an open ended question. “Yeah, let's have coffee!” she said before leaving.
You messaged her expecting she'd get right back to you, but hours passed, then days, and she didn't even bother to say “Hi” back.
I’ve messaged countless women with very little luck. The ones that do reply back end up messaging 3-5 times, but when I try to set up a date the text msg gets cold.
Or maybe she did respond, and you had a great text conversation.
You bantered back and forth, told a few jokes, and you knew she was into you. It seemed like everything was good but when you asked her to meet she stopped messaging, or would take hours to get back to you.
In the end it was just “I’m busy” or no reply at all, and frustration. It may seem like a mystery but there’s a way to get more girls to reply.
On this post learn:
And much more.
Keep reading till the end to learn each step and get more dates now..
That feeling of excitement from meeting someone new quickly turns into disappointment when your text chat goes cold. Even worse, when she doesn’t even bother to reply.
You feel like you did everything right but it's a complete mystery why she won't respond to your text message.
You may have even spent a few hours looking up “text game” but you're still not getting any responses.
It seems strange because when you met her it was all smiles, flirts, and talking.
However, when you think about it everything becomes clear. Most girls that are hot get asked out by guys all of the time, and if you don't stand out there's another guy who's going to get her attention.
Getting her to reply and come out on a date often boils down to getting out of your own way. It doesn't matter if you're in Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Asia, or anywhere else in the world. Women will respond to text conversations positively if you let them.
The common text mistakes guys make can change a girl from interested to "just friends". There is a fine line between texting and texting too much. If you're doing any of the following, it could be killing your chances to get a date.
You should never:
You don't need to be funny, tell her your life story, have a text conversation or try to make her like you.
Women fall for guys who make them feel something and text doesn't cut it, you need to get her to meet you on a real date.
When you introduced yourself she may have felt butterflies, curiosity, been turned on, or she may have had no interest at all. Whatever it was, that's going to be the one thing that gets her to reply or not.
If you take too long to msg (3 day rule) or set up a date (get to the point) you’ll let her cool off and “life will get in the way”.
Guys who are feeling insecure will often send long text or messages frequently. It's needy and turns women off because it looks like you have nothing better to do. The subtle way approach is that less is always more.
*Note: There's nothing wrong with being funny or witty, it's just not necessary and can even work against you. It'll often look like a guy is trying too hard, so just stick to the basics.
Guys sometimes tell me “I don’t agree with you on this one, I know I’ve changed girls minds by texting them X and X…”
The problem is 90% of communication which creates attraction is missing when you text. Body language, voice tonality, eye contact, and touch. If she's texting you about her new favorite song, you're probably closer to ending up in the friend zone.
If you're texting a beautiful woman, she's told that she's gorgeous multiple times per day. You need to stand out by having the conversation in person.
Attraction isn't created with pixels on her phone. The general rule is, if she didn't like you when you met, nothing you text will change her mind to make her interested in you.
Sometimes it's just a matter of persistence and timing, and that's where following up comes into play. More on how to follow up near the end.
There's only one reason to text a girl you've just met – To set up the first date. After the one date, you will want to set up the second date... don't overthink things. Until she becomes your girlfriend (hopefully down the road), the reasons to text a girl are always the same.
Don't get confused by so-called pick up artist trying to sell you “The Ultimate Guide To Texting” or any other complicated junk. You have her number so now it's time to make the magic happen; go see her in person.
Girls love men that are direct and confident - and it's more difficult to come across like this over a text conversation.
Your texting style should include full words, be as short as possible, and always push for getting together in person. Using a woman's actual name is also an approach that you can try to improve your text game.
A good example would be: "Jane, I had a wonderful time with you last week. Let's get together next week to watch that new movie. I'm free Wednesday or Friday night."
This is the only set of rules you’ll ever need on how to text girls. I’ve done this for years and know how effective it is. Best of all, it’s simple and easy.
Although it depends on how you meet her, this is an example of how to text a girl for the first time and get the conversation open. “Hi Jane, it was nice meeting you today. Let's have a coffee this weekend, which day works for you?”
If you haven't been in contact for a while you'll want to message her something to spark something up again. Try this, “Hey Anne, long time no see! I've been busy with work so lost touch. How has everything been with you?”
If you’ve gone on a few dates or more you can get a little looser with your messages. An occasional joke can be good but make sure you don’t message too often. Try, “There are three kinds of people in this world, those who know math, and those who don’t…”
Trying to keep a girl interested while texting is a losing game. The longer you wait to set up a date the more likely she is to flake.
After approaching a girl, each day that passes she’ll lose more of the “feeling” she had when you talked to her. If you wait too long, she’ll become “busy” simply because she doesn’t feel enough interest to meet anymore.
The personal connection that you may have had with her in person will quickly fade if you don't act.
Definitely do not text a girl everyday unless she text you first. By texting everyday you'll show neediness and it will look like you have nothing else going on.
You may also want to mix in a call to talk over the phone. Calls are especially good if you want to get across a lot of information in a short amount of time (harder to do through texting).
When you first text a girl just set up the date then leave it at that. If she messages you then feel free to engage her in a conversation, but keep the conversation topics light.
If a girl says she's not interested, or you're just getting one word answers, or she replies days after you message her, then it's time to stop texting her. Obvious signs of disinterest like these mean you're wasting your time.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to texting girls is to not recognize when to stop pursuing. If she wants to avoid texting you, stop paying attention.
When you like a girl it’s too easy to get overly excited and lose your cool. In this situation, try:
“Hey” is probably the most boring message you could ever send.
Always got to the point, whether it’s for online dating or texting a girl you approached. Have something to say which is relevant to going out together.
When you text a girl, ask for the date and check to see when she's free. This is the big test to see if she is actually attracted to you. Make sure to role play and put yourself in her shoes to judge her reply - if it seems uninterested it's likely because she is.
Never try to make a girl want you by texting, it doesn’t work. Instead focus on dating in person and do the following:
Unless she likes you, she can't miss you. This is why you need to develop confidence and social skills so you can make connections with women. Confidence is the biggest turn on for women, and that includes being assertive, direct, not apologizing for everything, not asking her what she wants to do (you set the date agenda) etc.
You determine how you will spend time together. The whole point of doing so is to stand out from a lot of the insecure men she would meet through a dating app.
Making a girl you like miss you involves very little direct work on your part. You will want to stay busy with your hobbies, your job or business, and improving your overall life. As long as she's keeping tabs on you and watching your life progress, she will begin to miss you.
Keep your texting frequency to only what is necessary. After meeting a girl you should message her the same day to set up the date. After a first date try messaging the next day or two days later to set up another date. If she wants to chat and messages you then the door is open and chatting is a good idea.
Never spend a large amount of time trying to get to know a girl over text. Ask her interesting questions in person. If you spend to much time trying to figure out how to text a girl early on, you're probably doing too much talking and too little dating.
Texting your crush is the same as texting any other girl. Keep it simple and don’t show too much interest or vomit your feelings over to her via text. Ask her out for a coffee or a drink then focus on building a connection.
To ask out your crush by text, send her a quick message suggesting a coffee or drink. For example, “Hey Julie, I'm going to be free this weekend, let's grab a drink.”
Make sure to avoid being cheesy (texting your favourite inside joke) and be direct with your intentions.
The 3 day rule is the idea that you should wait 3 days to message a girl after getting her number. It’s based on a false assumption that texting too soon will look needy. What ends up happening is that your crush will end up losing interest because you waited so long to message her.
It is one thing to genuinely be busy with work or hobbies and it's another to intentionally delay texting a girl. You want to be mindful of your time as well so you'll want to determine as quickly as possible whether she's interested or if you're already on your way to the friend zone.
Don't. If you're trying to impress girls you're already heading in the wrong direction. Women love independent men who aren't looking for validation from women.
By trying to impress her you'll either come across as needy or a braggart. Instead, think of it as, “What would impress me about her?”. "How can this woman make my great life even better?"
By letting her prove herself to you, you'll change the entire dynamic and look much more confident and self assured.
A lot of guys use the “three day rule” because they're worried about looking needy. In reality, a guy who sets things up right away is bold and assertive.
He’ll also stand out from all of the other guys who are waiting, trying to look cool even though they’re thinking about her all day.
Guys who wait, masterb…you get the point. There isn't a perfect time to message after meeting a woman, but if you wait your odds get worse. Appropriate times include several hours later or even the next day.
The window of opportunity after meeting a girl is short. Take advantage of that short time while you’re fresh in her memory. You’ll only come off as needy if you send her a novel sized text or too many messages.
As a general rule, whoever is putting the most effort into the communication is the one doing the chasing. So if you want to have any shot of getting a girl to chase you, then you must not over-text. Instead, look to keep the text ratio close to 1:1 and text the girl about as frequently as she texts you. Make sure you're also paying attention to who is initiating the conversation.
As long as you keep it simple and to the point, the exact wording isn’t too important. Tell her it was good to meet her, and ask which day works to meet up for coffee.
Avoid Submissive Language: One thing to avoid is weak language like “Do you want to”, “Can we” “Could we”, “Would you like to” etc. Those all come off as ‘beta' or insecure. It's easy to build a strong connection with a woman if you're direct and confident.
In my case, I actually set up first dates at home which is a bit more complicated. I won't go into that on this post though as it's more advanced than setting up a coffee. Keep it simple for better results.
If you've made the mistake of over pursuing or coming across as desperate, you will probably receive the "let's just be friends" message.
You should never accept to be just friends with a woman that you are interested in pursuing romantically. A good way to tackle the conversation is to reply with: "I'm not interested in just being friends. Shoot me a text if you change your mind."
If you're already talking to a girl and the just friends conversation has come up, it may be too late to fix things.
When it comes to online dating, you may have to put slightly more work into the conversation. This is because you didn't have that opportunity for an in-person spark.
Once you've matched with a woman, initiate the conversation and talk about one or two things that stood out from her profile. Follow this up by asking her when she's free to get together in person.
Always send a follow-up text a couple of days later if she doesn't reply. She may (actually) be busy with real life and didn't get a chance to reply.
A lot of women who don't reply to the first message will reply to the second one. It knocks the fence sitters off the fence. The women who are not interested will continue to be silent.
Just send a “?” and be done with it.
It's just a poke or friendly reminder for fence sitters. There's no reason to say more because you already said it on the first message.
Always make sure your messaging involves playful texting. You want to avoid the boring questions but you also don't want to go out of your way to pour out funny question after funny question.
Part of dating is a numbers game so don't get too torn up about someone not replying. After all, who's she anyways?
A stranger. Don’t take it too seriously, another date is always just around the corner.
Questions? Comment below!
Listen to my interview with Jack Donovan here: Never apologize for being a man.