Conquer & Win

How to Text Women So They Reply (Guide)

She never replied…now you’re wondering how to text women?
how to text women
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It seemed like you really hit it off when you met. She was smiling, flirting, and was super enthusiastic.  “Yeah, let’s have coffee!” she said before leaving. You messaged her expecting she’d get right back to you, but hours passed, then days, and she didn’t even bother to say “Hi” back.

“I’ve messaged countless women with very little luck. The ones that do reply back end up messaging 3-5 times, but when I try to set up a date the text msg gets cold.”

Walk up to any woman, get a date. I’ll show you how. Click here to learn more.

Or maybe she did respond, and you had a great text conversation.

You bantered back and forth, told a few jokes, and you knew she was into you. It seemed like everything was good but when you asked her to meet she stopped messaging, or would take hours to get back to you.

In the end it was just “I’m busy” or no reply at all, and frustration. It may seem like a mystery but there’s a way to get more girls to reply.

Learn how to negotiate like the FBI. Click here.

There are some easy ways to text girls so they reply:

  • Don’t wait 3 days to text her
  • Don’t send her long messages or your life story
  • Use texting to set up in person meetings – in your first messages
  • Send her the date and time to meet

Keep reading till the end to find out more advice, you wont want to miss all the details.

Why do women go cold on text and what can you do about it?

That feeling of excitement from meeting someone new quickly turns into disappointment when your text chat goes cold. Even worse, when she doesn’t even bother to reply.

You feel like you did everything right but it’s a complete mystery why she won’t respond to you.

You may have even tried to look up “text game” but you’re still not getting any responses.

Also see: How to Approach Women in Public (Ultimate Guide)

This is a common issue that men face after getting numbers from a attractive women.

It seems strange because when you met her it was all smiles and flirts. However, you think about it everything becomes clear. Hot girls get asked out by guys all of the time, and if you don’t stand out there’s another guy who’s going to get her attention.

Click here to get my word-for-word text template so you can get 76% more replies and dates

How can I get girls to reply to my messages?

Getting her to reply and come out on a date often boils down to getting out of your own way. It doesn’t matter if you’re in Toronto, Vancouver, Calgary, Asia, or anywhere else in the world. Women will respond positively if you let them.

The common text mistakes guys make can change a girl from interested to “busy”. If you’re doing any of the following, it could be killing your chances to get a date:

  • Sending long messages
  • Telling her your life story
  • Using the “3 day rule”
  • Trying to make her like you by text
  • Trying to be cool, witty or funny
  • Not getting to the point of why you got her number in the first place
  • Texting frequently

You don’t need to be funny, tell her your life story, have a text conversation or try to make her like you.

Women fall for guys who make them feel something. 

how to text women
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When you introduced yourself she may have felt butterflies, curiosity, been turned on, or she may have had no interest at all. Whatever it was, that’s going to be the one thing that compels her to reply or not.

If you take too long to msg (3 day rule) or set up a date (get to the point) you’ll let her cool off and “life will get in the way”.

Guys who are feeling insecure will often send long text or message frequently. It’s needy, and turns women off because it looks like you have nothing better to do.

*Note: There’s nothing wrong with being funny or witty, it’s just not necessary and can even work against you. It’ll often look like a guy is trying too hard, so just stick to the basics.

Why You Can’t Win A Woman Over By Text

Guys sometimes tell me “I don’t agree with you on this one, I know I’ve changed girls minds by texting them X and X…”

The problem is, 90% of communication which creates attraction is missing when you text. Body language, voice tonality, eye contact, and touch.

Attraction isn’t created with pixels on her phone. If she didn’t like you when you met, nothing you text will change her mind. Sometimes it’s just a matter of persistence and timing, and that’s where following up comes into play. More on how to follow up near the end.  

The Purpose Of Texting

There’s only one reason to text a girl you’ve just met – To set up the first date.

Don’t get confused by so called pick up artist trying to sell you “The Ultimate Guide To Texting” or any other complicated junk. You have her number so now it’s time to make the magic happen; go see her in person.

3 Simplified Rules To Get Dates By Text

This is the only set of rules you’ll ever need on how to text girls. I’ve done this for years and know how effective it is. Best of all, it’s simple and easy.

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  1. MSG her the same day you met her – Attractive women get invited on dates almost daily. If you don’t message her the same day she’ll lose interest in a flash. Life’s busy, don’t become background noise.
  2. Set up a date on your first message – There’s no reason to  go through a series of messages trying to win a woman over. She either likes you or she doesn’t, so strike the iron while it’s hot. Avoid over thinking and ask her to meet.
  3. Keep it simple – Don’t send a long complicated message. Keep you first message short and sweet by getting to the point.

Isn’t Messaging Her Too Soon Needy?

A lot of guys use the three day rule because they’re worried about looking needy. In reality, a guy who sets things up right away looks bold and assertive. He’ll also stand out from all of the other guys who are waiting, trying to look cool even though they’re thinking about her all day.

Guys who wait master… I wont say it, but you get the point. There isn’t a perfect time to message after meeting a woman, but if you wait your odds will decrease.

The window of opportunity after meeting a girl is short.

Take advantage of that short time while you’re fresh in her memory. You’ll only come off as needy if you send her a novel sized text or too many messages, as was mentioned earlier.

“As a general rule, whoever is putting the most effort into the communication is the one doing the chasing. So if you want to have any shot of getting a girl to chase you, then you must not over-text. Instead, look to keep the text ratio close to 1:1 and text the girl about as frequently as she texts you.”   – The Art of Charm

What Should I Say In My Message?

As long as you keep it simple and to the point, the exact wording isn’t too important. Tell her it was good to meet her, and ask which day works to meet up for coffee. It’s really that simple.

One thing to avoid is weak language like “Do you want to”, “Can we” “Could we”, “Would you like to” Those all come off as ‘beta’ or insecure.

In my case, I actually set up first dates at home which is a bit more complicated. I won’t go into that on this post though as it’s much more advanced than setting up a coffee. Keep it simple for better results.

Click here to get the ridiculously effective template I use to get dates every week.

How Do I Follow Up if She Doesn’t Reply?

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I always send a follow-up text a couple of days later if I don’t get a reply.

Typically, I will make a bit of a joke in my message or call her out (lightheartedly) as someone who doesn’t reply. There’s no reason why you can’t be direct about it, just keep it fun.

A lot of women who don’t reply to the first message will reply to the second one. It knocks the fence sitters off the fence. The women who are not interested will continue to be silent.

I’ll often just send a “?” and be done with it. Again, it’s just a poke or friendly reminder for fence sitters.

Part of dating is a numbers game, so don’t get too torn up about someone not replying. After all, who’s she anyways? A stranger. Don’t take it too seriously, another date is always just around the corner.

Internet Dating And Text

Online dating is a different animal altogether. I’ll be putting some detailed articles together to talk about that in future post.

Questions? Comment below!

Click here to get my word-for-word text template so you can get 76% more responses and dates

Listen to my interview with Jack Donovan here: Never apologize for being a man.

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About the Author Eddy Baller

I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF and many more. I want to help you get socially confident and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.

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  • Tim Garrison says:

    Good stuff , Eddy , you certainly straightened out my text ( lack of ) game. I certainly used to send long messages , tell her about my dream last night ( with her in it ). “Don’t call me any more , you’re weirding me out” , was her call back. Little romance via text , would be the call to order , as you teach. As examplified in previous example.
    Thank you , Eddy , I’m not weird any more.

  • caden says:

    Hi , I’am caden
    I know this girl like 2year plus , But I dun know her well enough ! Tht suck .
    I’am poor in texting and my text are bored to her . So how can I improve it . i dun have much topic to talk with her . Can have your help ?

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Hi Caden, texting her is not going to make her like you. There are some ways to spike interest if things have cooled down, and if you’ve known her over two years and nothing has happened….

      You need her to meet you in person otherwise you won’t have a chance to create attraction.

      A much better solution would be to get good with women in general and forget about this girl. Learn how to meet women and date multiple women to create options for your self. If you have options you won’t be obsessing over a single girl anymore.

      • Suleman says:

        hey Eddy can you help me for a good words to bring my woman back to me she it silver she luss a trust with me and don’t really want to reply back my text

        • Eddy Baller says:

          There’s not a lot you can do by text in this case. If a woman isn’t replying it’s pretty much a lost cause. The big question is why did she lose trust? That’s the issue you need to deal with.

  • Roneel Naidu says:

    Hi, I am Ron I met you at you last meet up event. I have tried the internet dating site plenty of fish with very little luck. I have msged countless women with very little luck. However the once that do reply back end up giving me there number within 3 to 5 msg. But when I try to set up a date the text msg gets cold. I also ended up getting a date from the site and in my head it went pretty well with some set backs and my date also assured me that she had a great time and that she would really wanna go out with me again. So I msged her the same night thank her for the date. To that her response was I had a great time see u soon. But the next time wen I tried to set something up she went cold and the she responded sorry I was sick didn’t see ur text. I asked if she okay and she said I am good now. After that she went cold. So I took it as a sgin that she is not interested and deleted her number. Reading ur article did help answer some of my question and I do tend to beta around wen text which stop now.

    Also do you have any tips for a first timer cold approach guy. My fear is not rejection but running out of things to talk about. I took ur advice on voicing out things when in a line up and it worked like a charm. Me and my friend where getting pizza after clubbing so we started talking what we want to get and this two girls that where in front of us joined our conversation and asked us they could sit with us when there was 3 table empty. But the conversation when all over the place and next thing know I got a nice to meet u both.

    Thank You.

  • Eddy Baller says:

    The online question is too complicated to answer effectively here. Your photos may not be good, your profile may not catch attention, or your messages may not be good. If anything is off it could wreck your chances of getting dates. Another factor is proper spelling and grammar.

    If your fear is running out of things to say it’s the same thing as fearing rejection. You can’t run out of things to say if you don’t care what she thinks about what you’re saying.

    Good on you for making the effort and chatting those girls up. I can’t really say what went wrong without having been there. Most likely you guys kept the whole conversation very platonic, physically and verbally.

  • Mark says:

    I’ve definitely played with texting for the past few months, and I’m finally getting results from online and getting numbers. I’ve found that when I stop worrying about looking too needy, like you mention in the article, and text more often, I get more responses. Seems like common sense, but finally makes sense to me.

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Yeah, worrying too much about looking needy will create some weird behavior. Taking a chill approach to the whole thing works better.

  • phil says:

    Nothing quite like treating a lady to lunch or happy hour, sending a simple text about having a nice time with her and then getting no response at all. This is the rule not the exception I have experienced from online dating. I’m not perfect but considerate and decent and would expect a simple response in return. It is not methodology or “having game” or some other issue. It is just a numbers game where women are absolutely in the driver’s seat with online dating. They do like being treated and gaining attention, very easy for most women with online dating.
    Women feel it is OK with online dating to be rude and inconsiderate to men and then complain that they hear from creeps and perverts. I’m sure they do on occasion, but they also hear from decent fellows who they ignore and reject because there are always more to choose from.

    • Eddy Baller says:

      It’s more than just a numbers game. Numbers matter, but you can have a better “conversion rate” or end result depending how you connect with women, and your methodology or process while dating.

      I used to think there was no pattern and nothing I could do to get better results. “It’s just numbers”, I thought. I earned that was false.

      The first thing I would do in your case is stop treating women to lunch or happy hour. Go do something which doesn’t cost money, or coffee at most. Want a drink? Then one drink max. Better yet, get her to bring some wine or beer. This will all require a shift in mindset to make it work.

      Yes, many women will be rude and not return a cordial text. A lot of them do it simply because they’ve had bad experiences with guys who wouldn’t get the point, or reacted badly to them not wanting to meet again. On the other hand, a lot of women are just rude. Happens after sex too.

  • Zen says:

    Nice Post! Maybe you can help me. I met a girl a few weeks ago at a work event who instantly showed interest, but drove home after it.
    The problem is, the event was short and she lives 6h away from me. Still, I really liked her, started texting and set up a date immediately.
    I was already planing a short trip to a neighboring big city near her home, so it wasn’t a problem.

    But now we have to wait more than a month to see each other. Texting is ok, but most of the time I start a new conversation. Should I rarely text and wait for her to initiate? Keep initiating? Or completely stop until we meet up unless she replies?

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Hey Zen, although it seemed like a great connection, there are plenty more where that come from. The best thing you could do is meet other women.

      You don’t have to give up completely on this one, but the odds are low considering your distance. The fact that she doesn’t initiate conversations says a lot too. If you keep texting her it will most likely push her away.

      I’d only text her if you’re setting up a date or if she sends you a message first. In the meantime, meet more women. Having only one option creates neediness.

      Here’s another way to meet women:

  • Harry says:

    Hi eddy, nice post. I have dated only one girl and no other in my life. She is also gone. Now i have tried to message girls on facebook with hi, those are random girls. I send requests to so many girls at once, only few accept the requeat and ong them only a few rrply to my hi.
    Is it my profile pic or my likes on fb, that affects there response. I frel broken by that, i am not getting to talk with girls,
    I am introvert and i want girls in my life so badly…

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Stop messaging girls on Facebook. That’s the real problem. You need to learn how to meet women in public, start conversations. Being an introvert isn’t an excuse.

      Nobody is going to respond to “hi”. It’s not engaging or interesting, and even if you sent an ‘interesting’ msg on Facebook it will most likely be ignored. Start working on social skills.

  • John says:

    hello Eddie, I have a big story here But I’ll try to summarize it, Last august I met girl from belarus in an hotel, I did talk to her and she was clearly intrested ,she gave me her phone number without I tell her, then after that great night it was my last time in the hotel, I left and she stayed 3 days work there and she came back to her country, we are so long distance,I tried to call and text after that, but she took her first from 3 days to 6 days to respond in English and her English is so bad by the way, I told her I’ll come to Belarus she said “it’s a good idea to come have your paycheck and come”, but she took long time to reply on me ( messages not seen until I ping again with another one)…. last update: after 1 and half months I pinged her again and she replied well but after my 2nd message she didn’t read it however she is online. I want her, I can reach her there but what to text now ??? should I translate and talk with her in her language because English is hard to her and make her nervous ?

    • Eddy Baller says:

      You should forget about her. There’s nothing there to build. She’s far from you and is showing a lack of interest, and there’s nothing you can do with text to make her interested again.

      Always pay attention to what girls do when you’re trying to figure out their interest. If she’s not replying consistently then that’s pretty clear.

      Don’t chase girls like this. Find someone in your own city who you can actually date.

      The only reason guys end up in these kinds of situations is because of a lack of options, so they kling on to a girl thinking it’s their only chance.

      You can do better but you have to learn to get good with women.

  • Nick says:

    Awesome guide ?. Thank you Eddy! ?

  • Daniel says:

    What’s good Eddie? So I have this problem. I reconnected with a girl that I went on a date with almost 2 years ago. The initial date went really well you went out to dinner later on before dropping her off at her house we made out for I think an hour. Something happened and we stopped messaging each other for whatever reason I think she didn’t reply back to me once and then I just said fuck it. So I reconnected with her on Facebook. So I chatted her up and got her on Snapchat. Then we went on a date at a restaurant and a drive-in movie theater. Everything went well I brought along wine and mint chocolate brownie cookies. I convinced her to go in the backseat with me where I had pillows and a blanket. We stayed at that Drive-In for like 4 hours making out and without getting graphic oral just for her not me. Was pretty passionate to say the least. Now my problem is the next day I messaged her at 1pm. I simply asked “How did you sleep😘” the trail went cold after that. No reply nothing all day we’re also connected on FB messenger so about two hours later I simply asked how is your day so far? The message was never read. Now I’m on the next day I have coincided with myself to not message her at all today. My plan of action for tomorrow is to Messenger with a funny or teasing text of some sort to grab her attention. My question is should I wait longer then a day in a half because I plan on messaging at about 8 p.m. since the three-day rule is very outdated I thought I was doing well by at least waiting till the next afternoon to show some general concern on how she slept because I kept her out late. Could that have been my cardinal sin was it the :-* that sealed my fate. What could have possibly led to this type of reaction. We did not even go the farthest step which would have been intercourse.

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Hi Daniel,

      messaging the way you did can come across as needy. It’s showing that you’re thinking about her too much. After an encounter like that just leave it for a couple days then when you message again set up a new date. Don’t bother with bantering.

      Having said that, if she was really into you, regardless of those messages she would have replied. Most likely she had buyers remorse and is avoiding you now.

      I’m wondering why you didn’t have sex with her? Four hours is a long time to make out and go down on her and not take it farther. That’s another thing that could have been a turn off; you were too eager to please her. Don’t do that, take care of your own needs and both of you will have a better experience.

  • Awoman says:

    Well I’m a woman and I’ve just rejected a guy because precisely, his texts were too short and dry (it was a long distance thing so the texting part was important). I’m always delighted when a man tries to catch my attention with some written stuff. It’s all about balance. Don’t tell your whole life, sure, but be warm

    • Eddy Baller says:

      If that’s your only communication with no chance for face to face meetings then it’s going to be important, but the focus of this post is what to do (for men) with someone you just met.

      It’s also different when the woman sends a message. I’ll chat when that happens. It’s a different dynamic however if the guy is reaching out for a conversation. Better to save that for the date.

      Yes, being warm is always good.

  • John says:

    This is hilarious. Most guys are trying to get women to STOP texting them. I’ll answer a question in what I think is a complete, final way only to have the woman continue to text (grrrr). Ladies – texting must have a point or guys hate it. It is not just a way to waste time or make sure he’s thinking of you. I’m a busy guy and need to get stuff done, so if you are sending me pointless texts, consider yourself dumped.

    Can you write a column on how to get women to STOP texting?

    • Eddy Baller says:

      Some guys, definitely not most guys. I get letters from guys all of the time asking about texting. If you want girls to stop texting randomly then don’t be engaging when you reply. Make it brief.

  • Grace Cameron says:

    Great article about text messaging women!

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