“She looks like she's in a hurry” “I'm in a rush......” “She's not really my type....”
These are a few of the lies I hear over and over again from guys who are masking their fear of rejection instead of taking the bull by the horns (instead of the bull taking you by the gonads).
I can empathize with these statements because I've struggled with my own anxieties which took me many years to overcome before I could really say that I had this handled.
The mind is an excuse machine (Think Rob Ford & Richard Nixon), and will create a sort of invisible wall right before your eyes as soon as you even think about trying to approach a beautiful women who is walking by.
It's a bit of an invisible kick in the jolly stopping most men from making a move when you're torn between you're desire for your own Swedish bikini team, and shrinking testicles at the thought of public humiliation. Picture the scene from A Christmas Story when the main character finally get's his Red Rider BB Gun and shoots himself in the face.... “You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out.....” Yeah baby, that feeling.
Our irrational fear knows no bounds in it's incessant quest to keep us bound and gagged from expressing our desires publicly, to a complete stranger.
The “Women in Vancouver are unapproachable” is a great example of the mantra of neutered men protecting willy from further shrinkage.
Or how about the “Seattle Freeze,” a great excuse which Seattle’s men use as the grease that keeps their ego intact and their dating lives, if it even exist, subdued.
“Oh, other places are much more social! I went to so and so and I was a rock star....” Unlikely, but a nice rationalization which I hear frequently. I'm not saying that some places don't have a more social culture, but the chains that keep Vancouver men down have nothing to do with a lack of social women.
Men who want real change will come to me so they can change their OWN behaviour and gain awesome skills (Always focus on your own actions). The guy's who don't settle for excuses are abundant even in the face of a city which keeps advertizing how bad the dating scene is here.
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So what are the most common things I hear from clients who I take out to learn X-Man style superpowers with women? I've mentioned a few of them already but below is my list in all of it's glory-hole. Oops, hard to shake name association.....
Back to the list, I've named Vancouver men but most of these really applies to men, period.
Top 10 Most Common Excuses By Vancouver Men In No Particular Order
- “She Has A Dog” – This is no joke. I took one student out on a bootcamp and he wouldn't go and talk to an attractive women because she had a dog. If it was snarling and had a gun turret strapped to it's back I might of taken cover myself, but this mutt had big puppy dog eyes and a wagging tale showing her love for all of Vancouver, and possibly the world.
- “Vancouver women Are Unapproachable” - Bleh, probably the most cowardly blanket approach to avoid approaching. This is the mantra of Vancouver men who have decided to take shelter from personal responsibility. I've heard the sad story about how “He tried talking to some women but they were cold...” The side of the story that usually isn't presented is that Johnny Boy had never tried before and probably stood there nervously like a soldier who just realized he stepped on a mine “Hey, I saw you.. [Click.....] Um, ah, oh shit....” It can be expected that women will react badly when the guy is giving off a super nervous vibe. Other people will literally feel our emotions, and if they're bad emotions......
- “She looks like she's in a hurry” - Everyone is in a hurry to nowhere. People walk around habitually in a hurry with no good reason, so if she has that “Hurry” look just ignore it. I went and stopped a beautiful American woman who was walking fast, sunglasses on, and earphones in, and when I got her attention she took her earphones out and sunglasses off greeting me with a big smile. She wasn't even in a hurry, she was just walking fast as a matter of habit. Got her number after a nice chat and the rest is history.
- “She has sunglasses on” - As was already mentioned in number III, sunglasses will come off quickly when you know how to approach a woman. They are not shields with immense power concealing laser beams that will blast you into a rice crisp as soon as they come off. Ignore the glasses, they're supposed to block the sun, not a good guy (That's you).
- “She has earphones in” - It's the same as sunglasses, they will be taken out if you signal her to do so. She may be in her own world while the earphones are in, but as soon as they come out she will have her full attention on you. In most cases she won't use the cord to end your life like a mafia style Hit-Woman, usually.
- “But she just walked into a store” - Holy fark Batman, walking through a door is not the same as going through a Stargate. In fact it's often better because now she's not going anywhere and is just browsing for another pair of Lu Lu's. This scenario actually stops about 95% of all the men I've ever trained. Usually they will say “I'll wait till she comes out.” Well that's an awesome use of time. May as well buy some binoculars to start your official career as a stalker.
- “She's not really my type” - Yeah, not everyone is going to be, but for most guys this is a good way to shrug off an opportunity because of the fear of rejection. Don't expect to start approaching models until you can approach more average girls to start.
- “I'll talk to the next girl” - This is procrastinator mode. It allows guys to put off taking action because the future is always less scary than the present moment when we have to do something. Trust me, the next girl will be just as scary, and you'll be just as dateless if you don't talk to her.
- “Just, just, girls just want to be left alone” - Yeah, from the guy who has a scary lack of social skills. I don't actually hear this often, but it's funny so I wanted to include it. A past student who had a particularly strong case of social anxiety was intent on avoiding any kind of conversation with women. He blurted this out before spontaneously combusting into stardust. Well, almost.
- “I don't want to look creepy” - Most guys do a good job of being creepy without approaching. They hover around girls at the store, glancing over and over with their mouths wide open and looking back at the ground before she makes eye contact. Creepy isn't authentically expressing your self with a good smile and initially keeping a bit of distance upon approaching. It's OK, it's just conversation.
Most of the time anything you could think of is just an excuse. There is literally no barrier to talking to anybody in any public setting. When the auto-response goes off in your brain take a chill pill and look at it for what it is, an excuse. You need to stop believing your own bullshit before you can start learning.