Do you struggle to get the confidence to go up and say “hi”? If you don't know how to approach women, starting a conversations will be nearly impossible.
Tripp Kramer's (Tripp Advice) has some great tips which will help you overcome approach anxiety. He's a dating expert with over 730K followers on YouTube, and dishes out quality advice weekly.
He and I sat down to dish out the main problems men have with approaching women, how to overcome social anxiety, and discussed practical steps that can help anyone improve.
I spoke to Tripp for our latest podcast, and he shares lots of amazing tips about how to meet women.
Remember how you felt last time you saw the perfect girl across the room in a bar or at a party?
The movies would have it that it was this magical moment where your eyes locked, and the room around her blended into an enchanting, soft focus. She had this fantastic smile. You swept across the room and impressed her with your wit, charm, and confidence.
For most of us, that's just a fantasy. The reality was probably more like you froze in your tracks and just couldn't approach her.
And that moment of eye-contact was lost forever; as she blended back into the crowd.
And you probably felt all alone.
You’re absolutely not alone.
Listen to the full interview here (or continue reading below):
If the second scenario has happened to you, it’s probably because you allowed fear to get in the way. Fear (even if we call it something different, like “nerves”, “shyness” or “awkwardness”) is a mindset that can be overcome.
And you’re probably forgetting the elephant in the room, here. You’re not the only one who feels nervous in approach scenarios.
We all do.
And it’s highly likely that she feels nervous too.
So, it’s about accepting fear and identifying that everyone feels it in one way or another.
Easier said than done, maybe. But our Tripp Advice superstar passed on some great tips to help dissolve your approach anxiety.
Women are attracted to many different types of guys. Just like you’re attracted to different types of girls. What you’re attracted to, the next guy is not attracted to. You could end up being that guy that she’s attracted to. You went up and said “hi” and then anything else you say just doesn’t really matter.
The good news is that dating is a skill that can be learned. You don't need a movie-star jaw-line or a learned routine.
You need confidence - and that can be learned.
I talked to Tripp Kramer, dating expert and YouTube star who has been helping men get the woman they desire since 2009.
But he wasn't always an expert. Like Thomas Edison, who succeeded in inventing the light bulb after failing hundreds of times. Tripp has learned the skills that he now shares with you through his successes and fiascos.
Tripp’s advice is practical, accessible and - most importantly - learnable. Tripp’s YouTube channel, Trip Advice, has had over 78 million views.
And the best part?
The key to success has nothing to do with cheesy, creepy lines, lies, or pretending to be someone you're not.
You could say that Tripp Kramer is the Yoda of How To Meet Women.
The idea is to accomplish the goal. And the goal is just the act of going up and starting a conversation. This way, you can’t lose… Getting her number is way down the line.
Tripp has done his fair share of research on women - everything from reading books on evolutionary psychology to learning about the dating experiences of other guys in online forums.
Tripp’s interest in becoming a dating coach was motivated by his own frustration at not being able to get the kind of girls that he wanted.
Ultimately, Tripp understands your struggles with women and wants to help you succeed.
Read on for the best actionable tips (from the expert!) on how to meet women.
Everyone thinks that they're alone. Everyone thinks that everyone else is more successful with the ladies than themselves. You see your pals with their gals, and you wonder how they did it.
For many, making that first contact feels like an impossible obstacle.
The most common questions a dating coach receives are:
How do I move beyond friends with a woman I already know?
If you take away the context, almost all questions - including these - boil down to two main concerns:
The simple, straightforward, and practical answer is PRACTICE.
Some thoughts to bear in mind:
So, how does Tripp recommend that guys address these insecurities?
Everyone else on the planet appears to be way more confident than you, don’t they?
It’s not true.
Tripp talks about the worst advice he ever followed up -
When he was finding his feet, confidence-wise, he was told that women are attracted to a man who is desired by other women. They suggested that he tells them that his last relationship was with a stripper.
This fuzzy logic worked on the basis that if one hot girl has found you attractive, then others will.
Tripp quickly discovered that it didn't work.
Because it's a lie.
Pick-up stories are not sustainable. It might work initially - maybe - but after that, she’s just left with you. It’s not what you’re saying; it’s how you feel about yourself. If you can approach a girl thinking “I don’t care what people think of me”, you’ll be amazed how that can work.
Lying is not a solid foundation to any relationship.
Tripp realized that routines just don't work.
And trying to be something that you're not because you think it will impress a girl will always come back to bite.
The Bottom Line -
The best way to develop confidence is:
Read on for tips about how to meet women with confidence.
Tripp gets asked this question all the time. And this is where the practice comes in.
But you shouldn't start with girls deep in conversation.
Start with everyday people.
Practice going up to strangers and asking them for directions or for the time - something that forces a natural interaction.
Your target shouldn’t be:
A win is taking yourself out of your comfort zone.
And, let's face it: going straight up to a girl in the middle of a group of her friends and interrupting their conversation to tell them that your last girlfriend was a stripper is probably a little too far out of your comfort zone for a starting point.
I make it sound easy, but - of course - it takes a lot of work. Memorising a couple of opening lines as a toolkit for yourself to be able to go up and not freeze is fine... But just be yourself.
Build your confidence with achievable objectives:
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed.” @23_MikeJordanClick to Tweet
So, this is not a quick-win. But nothing worthwhile ever is.
Remember - beautiful or not - that girl is just a human being; just like you. She likes stuff, and she hates stuff; just like you.
Think about the types of things you like to talk about; if she isn't interested in talking about those things, perhaps she's just not the right girl.
This isn't always about changing you. You might need confidence - sure - but you don't need to change to suit her.
Don't try to impress. Just be yourself.
Because being yourself demonstrates confidence. And confidence is attractive.
Your match is out there.
Tripp gets asked all the time:
But these are the wrong questions because it's jumping the gun - and putting the objective in the wrong place.
Tripp suggests that we practice the 75/25 rule.
To improve your confidence and social skills with women:
Tripp explains the rule:
If I had to give advice to a person now, it’s probably a 75/25 split: 75% throwing yourself into a mix of people and talking to strangers and 25% reading some cool books and listening to podcasts like this one.
The majority of your time, therefore, is best spent getting out there and meeting people.
This 75/25 formula will allow you to spend time trying things out in person that you can’t learn from a book. By practicing your social skills, you’ll gain confidence in speaking with anyone - not just attractive women.
Remember, what you say doesn't matter nearly as much as how you say it.
Just because a girl is attractive, it doesn't mean that they're confident deep down. She might be looking at you wishing that she had the guts to come over and say hi.
As long as you don’t say something offensive, It doesn’t really matter what you say - as long as you say it with confidence.
This is a question that Tripp gets asked all the time - and he says the same thing to every single person.
There’s no one way to start a conversation because every girl is different. It’s all about practice - and it comes back to the 75/25 rule. Practice makes perfect.
Start conversations with people: ask the person in front of you in the queue at the grocery store about whether they'd recommend something in their basket.
Tripp has two specific suggestions for how to make the most of your 75% practice time:
He describes systematic desensitization as “desensitizing yourself to talking to strangers and then making your body and mind more comfortable with talking to girls. This way you realize that this is not a big deal.”
Systematic Desensitization is an established form of therapy (used since the 1950s). It's often used in the treatment of phobia, involving the use of breath control, muscle relaxation, and aversion; facing fears to overcome them.
Systemically desensitizing yourself to the fear of going up to people will help increase your comfort in talking to anyone about anything; leading to new confidence.
As the saying goes, just showing up is 80% of success. Sometimes attracting girls is easier than you think. But you have to leave your house and get out there first.
Tripp explains how sometimes showing up IS all it takes:
You could be that kind of guy she is attracted to. You go up and say hi - and then anything else that you say doesn't really even matter at that point.Go up and have conversations; because sometimes it takes little to no effort. You never know! But you don't know until you try.
Tripp has devoted his professional career to helping guys overcome their anxiety about approaching women and succeeding.
Based on his years of experience, he has developed some specific steps that you can take to approach women confidently.
He says that you should change your meaning of confidence Tripp says:
"Confidence - it's not something you have - it's something you do. I like to think of it as a verb, not a noun. You do it; you don't have it." @TrippAdviceClick to Tweet
He explains that he’s discovered that confidence comes from competence, which results from DOING something, not BEING someone.
Tripp has learned how to be successful. He's had his fair share of failures, and he's the first person to admit that every failure was a learning point.
But every time he failed, he dusted himself off and tried again.
I've explored the idea of "how do I approach a woman in public?" But I've ascertained that the question should really be: "how do I approach anyone in public?".
Once you're comfortable to speak to anyone, your chance of success improves.
Make your goal to be just to APPROACH a woman or say hi. Getting her number doesn't have to be the goal.
You don't have to go up to every woman you find attractive - this isn't a challenge.
Try committing to smaller goals, like, "this Wednesday, I'm going to ask a stranger for directions" or "tomorrow morning, I'll ask the person in front of me at the coffee shop what he or she ordered."
Once you are comfortable with the smaller interactions, you can move up to approaching girls you find attractive, even if it is just to say hi.
See what happens.
You WILL get better the more you practice.
And the more you practice, the answer to the question "should I approach women" becomes a resounding YES; because it's really "should I approach PEOPLE."
Virtually no one leaves the world of dating unscathed - even the most confident men have been rejected. As Tripp explains:
This process is going to involve lots of failures and mistakes - they are just part of the journey to get to where you want to be. You will get rejected. You will break up. This stuff will happen, so you have to be realistic. It's just an ingredient to the recipe of you finally getting with the girl you want.
The Bottom Line -
An intelligent woman might not be looking for intellectual intelligence, as long as you behave with emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to know what someone else wants - to recognize someone else's needs and aim to be sensitive to those needs.
If a woman is a doctor of psychology, they probably don’t want to talk about psychology on a night out - they probably want to talk to a guy who demonstrates ease with themselves, are good listeners, and can pick up on emotional signals.
But this doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to CHANGE to be what you think they want. Stop second-guessing what they want - and just be yourself.
Contrary to popular belief, bars and nightclubs are not the only places you can meet attractive women. In fact, anywhere that plays loud music is probably the worst place to meet - because all you can do all night is shout at each other.
Consider your own interests and consider your home ground:
This is all about finding common ground. Think about what you love to do because that's where your passion lies. If you discover someone who shares your passion, things are likely to develop.
Tripp has shared some great ideas about how to approach women with confidence and attract the kind of women you want to date. To summarize, here's some of Tripp's excellent advice:
Finally, I'd like to thank Tripp Kramer of Tripp Advice for spending time with me today. Tripp is currently working on a 10-week program called the Fearless Formula, which goes into depth about building self-esteem and decreasing the fear, anxiety, and depression about not getting what you want in life.
He also has great advice in his book Magnetic: Cultivate Confidence, Become Rejection Proof, and Naturally Attract The Women You Desire.