Wouldn’t it be nice if we could clearly read the signals women send us, 100% of the time?
When you look at the animal world, and they have all sorts of pre-programmed rituals to cut through that uncertainty.
People do too, but it's easy to confuse the signals women send us, that is, until now.
Women can be hard to figure out on your own, but this article is your ultimate guide to deciphering the coded signals they send you. You’ll get answers to tough questions like:
If you’ve ever been mystified by these questions, take a look at the rest of the article. You’ll find out how to tell if a girl likes you.
Nature wishes that woman should attract man, yet she often cunningly moulds into her face a little sarcasm, which seems to say, 'Yes, I am willing to attract, but to attract a little better kind of a man than any I yet behold’ -Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most of the time, we expect men to make the first move. They’re supposed to make introductions, start conversations, and generally initiate the whole dating thing.
So, if it’s gonna happen, you gotta start it. You have to make the move or you won’t get that date.
Desmond Morris, a social scientist and author of Intimate Behavior, identified a series of 12 steps that every female-male relationship goes through from meeting to sex.
It goes like you’d expect, from glances through eye contact, hand contact, bodily touch, and finally more intimate touching.
Morris’ key finding is that women almost always regulate progress through each stage.
That means that you need to be able to read the subtle signs a woman sends you to show whether she’s interested or not, whether to move to the next step or not.
You have to figure out how to tell if a woman likes you.
Fortunately, men are really good at reading subtle social cues (Ha! Yeah right). Of course, most of us are hopeless. It’s good that there are some simple signs that we can teach you so you can know how to tell if a girl like you.
There are about a bazillion articles out there about how to tell if a girl likes you. Any Joe-Schmoe can bang out a flimsy article, even if the only girl he’s talked to is a character in Final Fantasy X.
Monica M. Moore, a researcher for the Department of Behavioral and Social Sciences at Webster University, wrote an article for the Journal of Sex Research, titled “Human Nonverbal Courtship Behavior—A Brief Historical Review.” She summarizes decades of research to identify different ways that men and women signal that they’re attracted to each other so you can learn how to tell if a girl likes you.
People need realness, reality. People can sense when someone is being pretentious or fake. It's because you feel it; you see it in someone's body language. -Afrojack
Her body language can send subconscious signals about how she feels about you without her even realizing.
That's why you can usually get a pretty clear idea of how people feel about you by studying their body language.
In the dating game, the world is difficult because people don't communicate, or they communicate, but then their actions speak louder than words. -Hayley Kiyoko
Albert Scheflen, a social scientist who studied dating cues in the 1960’s, called this set of clues “Positional cues.”
That means that the position of her body and posture can teach you how to tell if a girl likes you.
People tend to orient themselves toward the person they find most important in a conversation. If a girl turns her body to face you and keeps returning to that position despite other conversations, it’s a good sign that she’s paying special attention to you.
If her shoulders are facing you, even when she’s looking away, it’s a good sign. But there’s another way she can show that she’s giving you special attention. She points her feet at you.
I know, it sounds kinda silly that her feet might be a sign of attraction, but think about it this way. You set your feet in the direction that you are paying attention when you start a conversation.
If she wants to keep coming back to you, she’ll keep her feet pointing at you while she talks to other people.
When a girl suddenly straightens up her posture (well, when anyone does), it’s a good sign that she wants to impress.
No one looks good slouched down, but we do it anyway when we’re around people with whom we feel comfortable.
Watch her pasture when you approach her. If she likes you, she straightens up showing an open posture. She’ll gesture openly and open up her palms and wrists toward you.
The more two people like each other, the more their bodies will synchronize. That’s a fancy way to say that a girl will mirror your actions if she likes you.
If you lean in, she’ll lean in, too. If you start to gesture one way, she’s likely to do something similar. If you and she do the same things, it’s likely that she’s into you.
How close people sit or stand next to each other is a sure sign of their relationship.
If you hop onto public transportation, everyone wants to sit with at least one seat between the others, unless they’re a couple. Couples sit right next to each other without a problem.
You can use those same signals to tell whether a girl likes you.
When you start out a conversation, she’s likely to stand the normal distance away from you. If she likes you, and gets comfortable with you, she’ll likely move closer and closer to you.
The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only. -Victor Hugo, Les Miserables
You can learn the most about what a girl is thinking and feeling by watching her face.
The way she looks at you, the way she moves her mouth, and a myriad of other signs let you know what she’s thinking.
Here’s how you can use her expressions to learn how to tell when a girl likes you.
In his dissertation on the subject, M. S. Cary studied singles in bars and in the lab.
He noticed that men initiated conversation only after women signalled that she was attracted to him through glances.
There are a few ways that those glances can go. One was called, a “coy” glance, when a woman looks at you. Then she quickly glances her eyes down and flashes a half smile.
Another signalling glance comes from her eyebrows. When she looks at you, she’ll flash her eyebrows up and give you a quick smile before turning back to her friends.
Glances like this are subtle ways that women signal attraction if you’re not already talking.
Once you’ve picked up on them, it’s time to go talk to her.
But the second she opened her eyes and looked at me, I knew. She was either going to be the death of me . . . or she was going to be the one who finally brought me back to life. -Colleen Hoover, Ugly Love
Once you’ve caught on that she’s interested in you, she’ll keep making eye contact with you once you do, both across the room or when you’re together.
If you return her glances, and she keeps eye contact for a bit, it’s a good sign that she likes you.
It’s an even better sign when you’re talking with her, alone or in a group.
She keeps giving you good eye contact, along with looking away coyly, especially if the conversation has moved away from you.
If she keeps looking at you when her friends are talking, you’re golden.
You’ve seen it in movies or TV. The hero has just met his love interest, and she subtly likes her lips or even bites it. Is that a real thing?
Researchers say that it is, even across cultures. Watch her mouth. If she licks her lips or lightly bites her lip, it’s a good sign.
"Some women flirt more with what they say, and some with what they do". -Anna Held
People, everywhere, use hand gestures to signal the emotions behind what their words say.
If someone says, “I’m angry at you,” with a shaking fist, you know it’s true. If someone says the same thing with a smile and wide open arms, it’s gotta be a joke.
You can pay attention to her hands for clues about what she’s feeling to help you further understand what she’s saying with her body language.
Fiddling is an imprecise term for this sign. It’s when a girl touches her hair, jewelry, or clothes as a nervous way to make herself look better.
Albert Scheflen did an observational study in 1965, and he called it “Preening Behaviors.”
If she fixes her hair, straightens up her clothes, or does any number of things to make herself look better, she wants to look nice for you.
Her gestures can also give you a clue about how to tell if a girl likes you. Schelfen noted that women tend to use open gestures when they are attracted to a guy.
What do we mean? She will stand with her arms at her sides or gesture with them opened up wide. She might show her palms to you, too.
The key behind these gestures is that they show an open posture. If she’s closed up, it’s because she’s uncomfortable.
If she’s open, she’s more comfortable with you.
In Sex Signals: The Biology of Love, T. Perper notes that touch is an important stage in showing attraction.
So, if she is touching you, maybe your hand or your arm, it’s a sign she likes you.
More importantly, you can also use touch to see if your attraction is progressing from initial impressions to a stronger interest.
Perper identified two stages of touch. The first is a light touch which she quickly pulls away. This is like testing the waters of touch, a gesture with uncertainty.
If you’re doing well, her touch will last a big longer. So, take note of how much and how long she touches you. If you progress from quick touches to longer ones, it’s a great sign.
So far, we’ve focused on body language, which is the most important signal to which you can pay attention. You also need to pay attention to how she talks to you, too.
Most of us are less funny than we think, especially when we’ve had a few drinks. You might love your dad jokes but not everyone weill
It’s a great sign when a girl laughs too hard at your terrible jokes. It’s not because she thinks they’re funny (sorry guys), but because she thinks you’re interesting and wants to connect with you.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s important, especially in a group or a crowd. If she’s interested in you, she’ll keep returning to you for conversation.
But it’s not just conversation. The key indicator is when she initiates conversation after some form of distraction or interruption.
Maybe her friends jump in, and they start to talk to each other. A few minutes go by, and their conversation lulls, and then she turns back to you. It’s a great sign she’s interested in you.
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. -Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream
Older generations bemoan the way dating has turned, and sometimes we do, too.
Instead of the old ways to meet and talk, most talking happens by text or in an app.
This new era of communication is really hard to understand. It hasn’t been around so long that “the rules” are well-known. So, it’s easy to misunderstand or make a big mistake.
It’s also hard to convey intent by text.
When we talk, we give a lot of subtle indicators of what we intend through body language and tone of voice.
You can’t do that over text.
Even without a clear rulebook, there are some signs that can help you learn to know whether a girl likes you over text.
If a girl likes you, she’s going to write more than one word in a text.
Talking is a big part of showing attention and attraction. If she’s into you, she’s probably going to write more when you text.
A girl isn’t going to keep texting you if she doesn’t like you at all. If the two of you are texting regularly, it’s a good sign, especially if she initiates the interchange.
Be careful with this one, though.
Texting regularly doesn’t necessarily mean she is attracted to you. She might just like talking with you as a friend.
Pair this one with other signs so you can really know how to tell if a girl likes you over text.
If she really likes you, she’s going to make actual plans with you. When you ask her out, she’ll respond with setting up a time. If she doesn’t, that’s a clear sign that she isn’t interested.
So you text, “we should go out some time!” If she says yes but won’t commit to an actual date, it’s because she is just being nice.
If you propose a time and place, and she can’t do it, that’s not necessarily a bad sign. If she’s interested, she’ll suggest another time when she is free.
We have two selves: a real-world self and a phone self, and the nonsense our phone selves do can make our real-world selves look like idiots. -Azis Ansari- Modern Romance
Azis Ansari and NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg wrote a book about dating and texting called, Modern Romance. They both realized how bad people are, especially guys, at texting people to whom they’re attracted.
Ansari has a few tips to help you text a girl so you can get a second date.
Seem simple? That’s because it is.
In person, we do these things naturally. Something about texting gives us permission to behave badly. If you resist, you’re more likely to get that second date.
Social media is also a big part of the dating scene, and it can carry some pressure. Whatever platform you use, you social media can tell you a lot about how to tell if a girl likes you.
If you go home after having a great conversation with a new girl to find that she’s “friended” you, that’s a great sign.
It means that she’s excited enough about your meeting that she wants to maintain a connection right away.
If a girl mentions you on social media, it’s even better. If she tags you in a post, or posts a photo with you in it, she’s doing more than just being nice.
She wants other people to know that she’s connected to you somehow.
“The problem with human attraction is not knowing if it will be returned.” -Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush
So, you’re really excited about the girl you’re talking to. She’s gorgeous, interesting, and funny, and you love it. But it just doesn’t seem to go anywhere.
How can you tell if a girl likes you back?
Monica Moore observed lots of couples in the field. Shes says that there are over 50 ways to signal attraction but only 17 rejection signals. They’re easy to identify.
If she starts to do things like this, it doesn’t matter how much she likes you. It’s best to move on.
Just because you discover that you may like somebody after all, it doesn't necessarily mean there's any attraction. -Steve Kluger
We guys can be really bad at reading the subtle cues that women use. Their signals get lost, because we can be clueless.
Sometimes that means we mistake friendliness for attraction. Sometimes a girl is just being nice, and we think it’s on!
Context can help you figure out whether she’s just being nice or you’ve got an in. What do we mean by context? Think about the social situation, the people around you, or the environment.
If checkout girl at your local target smiles and you and looks you in the eyes, she’s not trying to take you home. She’s just doing her job.
If you’re out on a business meeting, she might use some of these cues, because she wants to make a good impression.
She also might use some rejection behaviors because she’s nervous.
Use context to help you understand what’s going on so you don’t make any mistakes.
One of Monica Moore’s studies from 1997 suggests something important about the signals we’ve described. She says that the men who are better at decoding these signals are also the men who are more successful at dating.
Just like everything else manly, it’s not something you’re born with. You can learn how to detect and decode the subtle dating signals that women tend to send you.
Just remember to take these tips and try them out in the field. No amount of reading can substitute for practice in the field actually talking to women.
I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF and many more. I want to help you get socially confident and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.
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