How To Overcome Sexual Shyness (BIG Confidence Booster)

You'd like to have a fulfilling sex life, but your sexual anxiety holds you back. So you're wondering how to overcome sexual shyness.

Keep reading to learn the best methods to get over shyness in the bedroom. In this post, you'll learn:

  • The big reasons that cause sexual shyness
  • Some possible solutions to the issue
  • Often asked questions about sexual shyness

And a lot more. Let's jump into it.

How To Overcome Sexual Shyness

There are many things that can cause sexual shyness, but I'm just going to cover some of the big reasons and some possible solutions:

#1. Inexperience


Obviously, inexperience in anything will make you insecure because you don't really know what you're doing.

To overcome that, you need to jump in there and learn what to do by getting more experience. Another thing you can actually do is look for instructional videos online.

I'm not talking about pornography, I'm talking about videos where they actually talk about how to maneuver in the bedroom.

#2. Negativity About Sexuality

Negativity About Sexuality

This is something I experienced at a very young age because I had a Catholic mother, and so there was that religious shaming there.

I don't think anything was ever told to me directly, but it's something that hangs in the air.  You'll know what I'm referring to if you also had a religious upbringing.

For myself personally, I was able to overcome it just by detaching from those beliefs at a very young age, but it took some time.

If that's the case for you, you might want to explore your beliefs and why you're still holding them.

Look for some new positive beliefs around sexuality, which will help you enjoy yourself more in the bedroom.

#3. Body Insecurity

Body Insecurity

If you're insecure about your body because you're too fat, too skinny, too whatever, that's something obviously you can look into.

By getting more fit, changing your diet and habits, you'll be more fit and less insecure around your physicality. Obviously, that's not always true.

Some people get really fit or really thin or whatever, depending who you are, and still feel really insecure.

If that's the case for you, it would probably be a good idea to talk to a professional about it.

But for everyone else who's just insecure about their bodies because they're not fit, the obvious solution is to start getting fit.

#4. Insecurity About Hygiene

Insecurity About Hygiene

Easy solution for that is to be hygienic. Have a shower, use deodorant, do all those kinds of things.

Trim down there. And everywhere else too, even your fingernails. make sure you're clean. That's an important one.

By covering all your bases there, you should be able to get rid of most of your insecurity about hygiene.

#5. Insecurity About Genital Size

Insecurity About Genital Size

That's obviously a big one for men. But you know what? It's really not the biggest thing on most girls' minds.

You may have got some of that insecurity by watching porn videos and seeing these massive dudes on there.

However, that's really not most men. Most women are not looking for pornstar-sized dudes.

It would be better to focus on your skills in the bedroom instead of your size in the bedroom, which is something you can't change.

#6. Performance Anxiety

Performance Anxiety

If you're too worried about pleasing your girlfriend or your wife or at least in the beginning, it's going to give you performance anxiety and it's going to actually make you perform worse.

The quick and easy solution around that is basically to pleasure yourself.

I don't mean that in a selfish way, but if you're more focused on yourself, you're more likely to get confident in the bedroom and more likely to give her pleasure as well.

As you get to know your partner and figure out what she likes in the bedroom, you can obviously incorporate that and do what she likes, because there's some big intake there.

Just don't be overly concerned in the beginning about doing what she likes, especially if you don't know what she likes.

You're going to learn that over time and you can do that by focusing in the beginning on pleasuring yourself. Just don't be a ten second wonder.

#7. A General Lack Of Confidence

A General Lack Of Confidence

It's not all about a lack of confidence in the bedroom, but if you walk around and you're feeling some lack of confidence as a man,  that's going to be something you're going to want to work on.

You're going to want to work on your social confidence, talk to more people, talk to more women, get more dates possibly if you're not already in a relationship, because that's going to affect what you do in the bedroom as well.

#8. A Bad Experience

A Bad Experience

If you've had a bad experience in the bedroom before or maybe you couldn't perform or something like that, then it's obviously something you're going to want to look towards getting past.

Start replacing the bad experience with new good experiences. Try to shift your focus forward instead of always looking back.

I know it's easier said than done, but it's really important to replace those bad experiences with new, better experiences.

#9. Abuse


This is something I can't comment on, on how to get over that.

If you unfortunately suffered abuse at any time in your life, this is something you definitely want to talk to a professional about in order to get past it eventually.

#10. Being A Ten Second Wonder

Being A Ten Second Wonder

If you perform too quickly, this is something you're definitely going to work on.

One trick you can use when you start getting overly aroused is to literally start thinking about something neutral and nonsexual.

Another trick to use as well is to breathe deeply. Breathe right into your abdomen.

That will help you to control that sensation and kind of numb it a bit so you can continue performing.

This is also something which can be improved through experience, so if you don't have a lot of experience, you're gonna want to work on getting it.

When you're solo, if you're just finishing instantly, you also need to work on that there as well and not finish so quickly.

So, that's the basic list. Practice makes perfect, right?

The more you can get in there, the better you're going to be and the less anxiety you're going to have about your sexuality and your sexual performance.


If you avoid it, you're going to create a mountain out of a mole. Let's go over some common questions people ask:

How can I build my sexual confidence?

You can build your sexual confidence by getting more experience.

You can even do so by talking to your girlfriend or your wife and talk about what you like so you guys can try some new things.

If you can figure out what she's likes, it'd be a lot easier to pleasure her, which is going to give you a lot more confidence sexually as well.

How do I stop being boring in bed?

To stop being boring in bed, it really depends on your definition of boring.

If you're bored and you're not enjoying your sexual experiences, it's definitely something you're going to want to change.

Try experimenting, try different positions. Try with the lights on, the lights off.

Do a lot of experimenting and you're going to figure out what's enjoyable.

If your girlfriend or your wife is bored, then figure out what she likes. Talk about it, but also experiment in bed too, and see what kind of reaction she has, see if she's enjoying herself.

How can I be bold in bed?

This is all about taking risks. You're not going to know 100% if your girlfriend or your wife is gonna like something or not before you do it. You just gotta take a chance.

Why do I have sexual anxiety?

Sexual anxiety can come from a lot of different factors, including:

  • Lack of experience
  • Lack of confidence in your own body
  • General lack of confidence
  • Bad past sexual experiences

For more information on how to deal with shyness, check out this post.

Steps To Overcome Sexual Shyness (Summary):

Here is a list  of the big reasons why this happens, as well as some possible solutions:

  1. Inexperience: learn what to do through resources like instructional videos
  2. Negativity about sexuality: explore your beliefs and figure out why you’re still holding them
  3. Body insecurity: start looking into getting more fit and changing your habits
  4. Insecurity about hygiene: have a shower, use deodorant, clip your fingernails and trim your body hair
  5. Insecurity about genital size: focus on building your skills in the bedroom instead of concentration on something you can’t change, like your size
  6. Performance anxiety: build your confidence by pleasuring yourself and learning what your partner likes
  7. A general lack of confidence: work on your social confidence first
  8. A bad experience:  replace bad memories with new and better experiences
  9. Abuse: seek help from a professional to help you get past it 
  10. Being a ten second wonder: try to think about something neutral and nonsexual, as well as breathing into your abdomen 
How To Overcome Sexual Shyness

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