Do you want to get dates in a virtually rejection-free scenario?
This is one of the simplest ways to meet women and get dates. And it avoids attracting unwanted attention.
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You'll learn:
And more.
I call this conversation starter an "Observational Opener".
This is an easy approach that's less scary than approaching women directly (i.e. giving her a compliment). It will make you more versatile than the guy who can only go direct, too.
There's a lot of situations where you don't want to be direct. It can be awkward or inappropriate when used improperly.
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You can avoid rejection by filtering out uninterested girls.
Also read: How to Meet Women
When you use observational openers you'll get a quick response.
She either going to be:
1. Interested: If so, you'll get a positive response
2. Uninterested: If so, her response will be quick and more flat toned
The best thing is if she isn't interested there's no "rejection". You can continue shopping and so can she.
You can gauge her interest by paying attention to how she reacts.
Watch for:
Most of the time when this works it's effortless. The women will do most of the talking after you make a comment.
And so what’s an observation opener? It goes like this:
1. You see something in your environment. This can be an object, "mood", behavior, environmental factors, or something which stands out.
2. You make a simple comment about it.
For example:
a) You're in a grocery store and see a woman. She's looking at the soup and studying the cans.
b) She's reading the ingredients and trying to make a choice.
c) You can "observe" and make a comment: "There's too many options, it's hard to make a choice!"
She can relate to your comment because she's in that situation right now.
That may sound like an uninteresting comment to you, and that's because it isn't!
That's one of the biggest mistakes guys make.
If you're trying to think of something "interesting" to say, you'll:
a) Miss your opportunity (She's going to be gone in seconds)
b) Overthink
c) Judge yourself "Naw, that's stupid..."
d) Freeze
e) Create unnecessary pressure
Instead, say the first thing that pops into your head.
That doesn't mean you'll strike gold and say something she reacts well to. But it takes practice doing this to get good at it.
Over time your observations will get better.
That's the first part of getting a date with this opener. The second part is a little more tricky.
Have to have some intent behind what you're saying. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
You don't want to give off a "friend" vibe. If you have a lot of female "friends" (girls you're interested in who won't date you) then you're already doing it.
To avoid the friend-vibe allow yourself to feel your attraction for her.
This is pushing women away.
Your voice, your body language will adjust if you allow yourself to feel something sexual for her. Don't be the "nice guy".
This isn't about being overt and winking at her, or something like that. The dating signals will be subtle but powerful. But only if you stop suppressing your true feelings.
Nervousness can also suppress your sexual feelings. Instead of looking at her and feeling that, "I WANT her" emotion, you'll be feeling, "I hope she doesn't think I'm creepy" etc.
With time you'll get confident enough so that won't be a problem anymore. But start looking at the women you want to date through the lens of desire, and not appeasement.
Don't expect too much each time you use this opener.
Instead, make a habit out of starting conversations with people this way. Including hot women. And overtime you'll get tons of opportunities which turn into dates.
You have to get in the game to win. Most guys who don't get dates don't talk to many women.
By doing this you'll increase the number of conversations you have. Those conversations are your key to more dates and confidence.
You'll always get a reply to your comments, but that's where most of them will end. That's ok, never try to force a conversation. Be social and casual.
Talk to everyone.
And keep your eyes and ears open for women who are open to chatting more.
Then go to the next step.
Lead the conversation in a direction which becomes something about her.
If you ask her out after a conversation about steak, it's going to sound out of place. You were talking about how to pick a good cut of meat, now you're asking her on a date...
To make a connection, talk about her. People like talking about themselves. And when they do, YOU become the most interesting person in the world.
It's counterintuitive but talking about yourself will do the opposite. She's more interested in herself until she becomes interested in you.
And that connection is made if you get her to open up and share with you, about herself.
To get there, keep your ears open for any comments she makes about herself or what she's doing.
Something like, "I'm getting steak because my family is visiting from out of town."
Now you know her family is from out of town. Since she told you, now you can ask, "Where are they from?"
That can lead into, "Is that where you came from too?" Now you're talking about her and can learn what brought her to your city.
Listen for ANYTHING she tells you about what she's doing or what she likes, Then follow up by asking about it.
She may not make it that easy for you though.
If not, sometimes you can be direct and ask a question.
"Getting some steaks for a get together?"
This question is still relevant because you're already chatting about steaks. This can lead into a more personal conversation, if you pay attention.
The final step is asking her out.
Don't walk away after making that effort because you'll never know what could have been. Just ask her out.
Be assertive and make a statement instead of asking her out.
Also read: How to Handle Rejection From Women
For example:
Let's have a coffee sometime.
OR
We should have a coffee sometime.
In both cases you're expressing what you want, not asking if she wants to have a coffee.
It's not magic and it won't make her want to have a date. But assertiveness and confidence attract women, so stay consistent.
Ask her out confidently.
If she says no, no big deal. You just had a conversation. You asked somebody out, made the effort, and got some experience. You win.
Next time could be a new date for you.
I'm going to summarize exact steps so you have something easy to follow.
1. You see someone studying a product
2. Get close enough to say something, but not in her personal space
3. Face the shelves she's looking at. DO NOT turn your body towards her. Remember, this is a casual opener, not a direct approach. Your shopping, she's shopping. Turning towards her will show too much interest. BUT do turn your head.
4. Make a comment based on what she's doing, or something relevant in the environment.
5. Smile
6. Use a strong voice (don't speak quietly)
7. Watch her reaction. If positive, continue. If she's "all business" then just keep shopping.
8. Listen for anything she says about herself.
9. Ask a question about that
10. Follow up to learn more about her.
11. Ask her out
I used a grocery store scenario, but this applies to getting dates anywhere in public. Coffee shops, retail stores, or anywhere else you can think of.
Be observant, make a comment, and follow up if she reacts positively.
Have a question or comment? Leave a comment below.
Hi, I'm Eddy Baller, author & founder of Conquer & Win.
I've been a dating and relationship coach since 2011, and since then I have helped men across the globe to build their social confidence and get the dates and relationships they deserve. Get your FREE dating consultation now by clicking the button below.
Awesome Eddy. Excellent information and excellently delivered - you’re eloquent and understandable in your speech. Some dating coaches on the Internet say only go direct is the manly way to approach. They say masculine energy is direct and the man’s man knows what he wants and goes for it - this is what women are attracted to.
You got hundreds of dates with this indirect approach ( as you described ) That’s proof enough for me. I really like this demonstration you gave of the indirect approach it seems very chill and relaxed. Can we say the beginning of a love story for the women ? She can tell her friends I was in the grocery store and this handsome guy was looking at the cans and boxes of soup on the shelf. He was muttering something about there’s always sugar in soup. Then he turned his head and said to me why is there always sugar in soup ? I think he barely knew I was there. I was mesmerized by him his voice was so kind and masculine . We had a conversation about sugar in the soup ha ha . I’m so happy that he asked me out for coffee a few minutes later.