Ever sat around wondering what your partner was doing, only to be caught up in anxiety and spending the next hour picturing the worst-case scenario? It’s time to get your own life, and let your girlfriend have hers.
I’ve been in the same situation, and usually it was during an insecure point in my life when I had no confidence, a lack of direction and nothing to focus on other than my girlfriend. This kind of situation never ends well.
Probably the biggest factor here is a lack of goals, and the lack of a compelling vision. If you have nothing going on in your life besides your girlfriend, she is going to be the apple of your stalker eye.
I’m not saying you’re actually going to stalk her, but the 24-hour clock in your mind is going to have a big picture of her in the middle with scary candles surrounding it. In her honor, of course.
She may be happy with it at first because you’re giving her so much attention, but soon enough that puppy dog love will become a burden she wants to escape from.
Women love men who have their own sh*t going on and aren’t trying to become a genetic fusion. A relationship is only as good as the time you spend apart. When you’re not together, put your attention back on your goals, ambitions and life’s focus.
Relationships are so much more powerful when you don’t try to become one person. She has her own dreams, her own goals, her own plans and if you’re an awesome man, she will want you to be part of her journey, and her a part of yours.
I had to learn this the hard way, and I went through some turbulent and needy emotional roller coasters. They served their purpose though because I couldn’t have grown as a man without getting a wake up call. Maybe a few wake up calls…
If you’re attached to your girlfriend, like a leech on flesh, stop. If you want to know the best way to make your relationship amazing, start by taking a few steps back, and refocus on your own life. Your partner will thank you, and so will your future self.
Here are a few steps to make you the kind of man she wants to be with:
By focusing on your own life and working on big things, you will lose your needy disposition. You can’t have two thoughts at the same time, and the majority of your thoughts should be on your next big move, or tiny step.
Your results in life are in direct proportion to what you do every single day, and your predominant thoughts will control your actions.
If you’re already in a relationship, this will be a little tough, but the best way to become a man your future partner will love to be around is by gaining some dating experience.
This sounds counter-intuitive to some, but if you have no experience with women then you will be a boy, and not a man, when dealing with your partner. Besides learning about sex, you will have to know how to navigate the relationship landscape. An experienced man has much more to offer a quality woman.
This is probably one of the worst mistakes. So many guys swoon for the first woman who shows them interest because they assume they won’t get another chance.
Don’t be that guy; date multiple women, and if you don’t know how to do that then it’s time to learn. This isn’t about being a player, this is about being able to meet enough women so that you can actually find the right one for you.
Besides enjoying life, you have to play the odds before you can win big.
An ambitious man with goals is much more desirable to women than a guy who is going to sing “Kumbaya” outside of her window. Write goals down on paper and figure out what you really want in life.
Even during some of the roughest breakups, you can regain your emotional control by refocusing on your ambitions, your dreams and taking action to make them a reality. Don’t just think about it, actually do it.
And some motivation for the nerds out there: “Make it so.”
I wrote this article originally on Elite Daily
Photo courtesy of We Heart It.
I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF, Psychcentral and many more. I want to help you become a better man and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.
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