If you've ever wondered what to say when approaching an attractive girl, this is your guide. Learn how to get dates with attractive women anywhere in public.
No more dating apps, no more bars or clubs. Although you can approach women online, you will have better dating success if you try to approach at least one woman in person per week. Take a deep breath because once you learn these skills you'll be able to meet women confidently.
I smile at girls but don’t get much of a response so I don’t try talking to them because I’m worried about bothering them. I feel helpless and think I may have missed my chance in life at falling in love.
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This is how to talk to a girl who’s walking down the street:
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How to make it better:
The “mini story”
The mini story is all about painting a picture and getting a “hook point” or drawing her in. It creates curiosity, eliminates distractions, and avoids any conditioned reactions.
Tell her exactly what was happening right before you came up to talk to her. One of my coaching students calls it “the hero's journey.”
It would go something like this, “Excuse me, I was going to lunch and wasn't sure if I should do this. I'm already late, but I noticed you walk by. So I ran back across the street, dodged traffic and a small chihuahua to come say hi. I thought you look great!”
Now you have her full attention and can start a conversation. Many women rarely experience a guy approaching women in person today - it has become very rare.
Getting a woman’s number is the simplest part of the whole dating process. Doing a good follow-up text message is also important.
How to make it better:
To make sure you have the right number, always text her while she's standing in front of you. If she's given you the correct number, it's one of the signs she's interested.
Add her name so you know who she is, and add your name so she knows who you are. That way, when you text again later you won't have to tell her who you are.
If you see a girl talking on her phone you can still approach but you will have to be on your A game.
Here’s how you can do it:
Approaching a group of women can be intimidating for guys. Instead of dealing with one hot girl, you've got her friends staring at you too.
Even though the pressure can be high, chatting up a group can be a great thrill.
Here's how to approach groups of girls (2 or more):
Many guys fantasize about experiencing an older woman. An older woman's experience or ‘take charge' personality can appeal to some men. Those same qualities can also be intimidating.
The most important thing to keep in mind when approaching an older woman is to treat her the same as any other woman. Putting older women (or any women) on a pedestal will kill attraction.
But what if she says I'm too young?
Ignore that statement and stay in the conversation. Don't give it credibility by trying to argue or rationalize. Change her mind with your charm.
Excuses in general come from a lack of attraction when it comes to most women. If you are facing a lot of excuses or rebuttals, don't blame women - make sure to approach correctly to avoid coming off as fundamentally unattractive.
If she doesn't change her mind then wish her a good day and move on.
Don’t try to script out an entire conversation with a woman you haven’t even met yet.
You don’t know anything about her. It’s impossible to plan for every possible answer and question that she might have. You’ll also get thinking too much and not talk to her at all.
There are precious few seconds to say “hi” when an attractive woman appears. If you’re already thinking about the entire conversation then it’s not going to happen.
The best kind of conversation is going to be organic but it should be structured so that you can lead. It's important to keep a positive mood going and to express open body language.
Use the snowball technique.
The basic format is this: 1. A ‘what’ question, and 2. A ‘why’ question.
How to make it better:
Why it works:
When people open up, it creates feelings of trust and connectedness. The deeper you go into someone’s life, the more they have to open up. That creates vulnerability. When we make ourselves vulnerable to others we often feel “chemistry.”
One of the biggest problems I've seen with my clients is topic-hopping. Sometimes, guys simply prevent a connection because the conversation is superficial. She hasn't opened up, and won't feel anything as a result.
This is one area I’d recommend against.
Most guys will go for girls at work because they don’t feel like they have other options. This can create an awkward situation if she’s not into it. If you do go out and things go bad, now you’re stuck together. Not to mention the risk of sexual harassment claims which can ruin a man’s career.
The best thing you can do is learn how to approach women. You’ll have so many more options once you know how to confidently talk to anyone.
Having said that, it’s your choice.
If you still want to talk to that girl at work here is one way to go about it:
You may do the first 3 steps a few times to get to know her first before asking her out. The only difference after the first time is it should be easier to start the conversations.
While you want your approach to be confident, you will want to make her feel comfortable throughout the whole process. Don't make it seem like talking to her is the highlight of your day or a big deal.
Keep learning about her each time to build a connection. Don't rush to tell her about yourself. When she starts asking you questions it will work better and not look like you're trying to impress her.
You saw her working at the local coffee shop, in another office, or while you were grocery shopping. She was cute, but you didn’t know how to ask her out while she was working.
Here are some different ways to meet a girl at her work.
There are different ways to ask out a barista - here are a few tips.
I've gotten numbers while ordering my drink on the go. Sometimes I've gotten them after getting to know the baristas by being a regular. Other times I've managed to do it by going direct.
I met a beautiful woman from Japan this one morning while visiting Toronto. She was a barista and took my order. I was instantly attracted to her and didn't want to leave with just the coffee.
So I started a conversation about where she is from right away. Yeah, not exciting. But my eyes did most of the talking. It's the intent behind your eyes that matters the most. Not your words.
The feeling behind my eyes was pure attraction.
This is an area that will take practice. Many guys hide the intent behind their eyes because they don't want to expose their sexual feelings. They try to be safe and act like a friend. Don't pretend to be her friend.
Don't be too overt though, this is a subtle form of communication.
So, I had little time to seal the deal. I asked for her number directly, “What's your number?”
For this to work you need to:
I’d recommend against this strategy unless you’re already a regular because it takes too much time. That time could be spent meeting other girls.
But if you frequent a coffee shop (or another place) and you’re attracted to someone there, this works well.
Many years ago I took another guys’ social boot camp. I needed help because I was struggling for months and not making much progress.
While on boot camp we went into a mall. At this point, my confidence was pretty high because of the momentum that was built.
I saw this girl working at a dental office.
Cute, Asian, and looking down at her computer at the reception desk.
I went direct.
“Hey, I was walking by and couldn’t take my eyes off you. You look great.”
A smile came over her face, and she giggled. I could tell that she's interested.
The conversation was very short. Before I left I asked her for a coffee, and she said yes. That turned into a sexual relationship which lasted 6 months.
That was one of my first successes approaching girls directly.
Here’s how you can do it:
When trying to improve your dating life always look at the big picture and work on the whole man. Below are a number of different ways to get women interested in you, and most of those are about developing your lifestyle and character.
A lot of this comes down to mindset.
If you're worried about being a creep it has to do with insecurity. Confident men don't worry about being creepy because it's not who they are. When approaching women correctly, you should be the very complete opposite of creepy.
Although it's a long term project to change insecurity, here are some ways to avoid being creepy:
Anything I left out? Comment below.
The main trick here is to keep it simple and to the point. When you text a girl for the first time, set up the date.
Don't worry about “gaming” her or getting into a conversation. Longer conversations should be reserved for your future girlfriend.
If you did a good job when you approached her then she'll be happy to hear from you. If not, nothing you say by text will get her interest.
More on texting girls.
Approach anxiety, like shyness, has to be overcome through social training. You can do this on your own or take a social boot camp, public speaking course, or dating coaching.
You will want to work on your social skills until approaching a woman becomes like a second nature to you. Most single guys, especially younger single guys, may find approaching most women extremely difficult. It doesn't have to be.
Here are mindset tricks overcome approach anxiety:
I just saw the most ideal girl standing right in front of me staring, and I was speechless. I stared at her for a couple of minutes and I just did not know what to say.
Getting rid of shyness is straight forward but takes time. If you are having a tough time securing dates, keep in mind that you will need to approach a lot of women before you can really boost your dating life.
Here are the basic steps to build confidence to approach women:
Use the above steps to get confident and deal with your shyness. When you attract women off the bat, your chances of success are much higher. If you notice women checking you out, here's how to open:
Clubs, bars, parties, and pubs can be great places to meet women for one night stands. I wouldn't recommend them for meeting your future wife but it's OK to have fun too.
My experience in clubs is limited because I never liked clubs. Even then, I've still managed to take women home in Vancouver clubs.
On one night, nothing was going right. I made eye contact with a few women but it didn't go anywhere.
Then I approached a mixed table where a hot Asian girl was sitting. Her male friends were on the other side of the table, so I put my drink down and sat beside her.
I wasn't drunk but I knocked my drink over and spilled it on her, then the glass rolled off the table and shattered right under her on the floor.
Not only did she look annoyed but her friends were laughing hysterically. Not my best approach ever but it was entertaining (for them). I left the table shortly after.
The night wasn't over though.
I was standing with a buddy when I noticed a cute girl getting ready to leave. I commented, “Nice scarf.” That's not a great compliment or opener but sometimes saying literally anything is good enough.
Her friends showed up and noticed we were talking together.
They invited me to go with them to get some fries. After her friends left I took her home where she stayed the night.
Even though most of the night was rocky it still turned out well.
Your approach with most women doesn't have to be perfect to work (although it's probably best not to spill a drink on her). Do this:
Have a better way to approach women in bars? Let me know in the comments below.
If you're big on a girl's physical appearance (like most guys), you may want to approach a woman at the gym.
I know guys who've done well picking up in the gym. One of my buddies met a girl at a gym when he was traveling. They ended up in a long-term relationship which lasted a couple of years.
The thing here is that he did it while traveling.
Personally, I don't like the gym to pick up women. Not because it can't be done, but because the gym is sacred territory for me.
I want to work out then get out. Not be distracted by the women there.
“Best move is usually not to. Takes a lot of approaches to meet a woman you hit it off with." You're asking for advice about how to approach on Reddit, which strongly implies that you'll do it somewhat poorly.
If you go to the gym regularly and try to meet women there, there's a good chance you'll rapidly develop a reputation as “that weird guy who tries to pick up girls in the gym.”
An alternate outcome would be if you find success; this can be just as bad, and if you can find it in the gym you could have found it in another setting that won't ruin your ability to get a decent workout without running into multiple past flings..” – via Reddit
If you're not put off, then you can still go for it.
For any approach, you don't have to be creative or say something interesting. It's better to say something simple then lead the conversation into something about her so you can make a connection.
Have you had any experiences approaching women at the gym? Comment below.
Few women will respond rudely to a sincere approach. The worst reaction is getting ignored. They'll just keep walking or say they're busy. Keep your body language open.
The worst approaching experience I ever had was two girls in a Chipotle restaurant. They were at the back of the line, so I walked in and introduced myself. They both gave each other the eyes and then ignored me.
I was standing there like an idiot while they continued their conversation. I didn't stay long though, my assistant coach and a student were both standing outside, laughing. I don't blame them, it was funny.
Nowadays, dating apps eliminate any hard work involved with approaching women. Focus on your own self improvement and you'll find that your dating life will come a long way. Once you're comfortable approaching women in public spaces, you will stand out from other guys.
Don't worry about rejections, focus on your goals. Too many guys are trying not to lose instead of trying to win. That mindset shift will make or break you. You can't win if you're always focused on how women might reject you.
Parties are great places to approach women with casual conversation. Because you're all part of the same party, you already have some “credibility” or social proof. This means that the women there are going to be open to meeting you.
Like this post? Leave a comment below and let me know how you like to approach women, or any questions.
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