How Do I Start a Conversation with a Girl at Work?
This is one area I’d recommend against.
Most guys will go for girls at work because they don’t feel like they have other options. This can create an awkward situation if she’s not into it. If you do go out and things go bad, now you’re stuck together. Not to mention the risk of sexual harassment claims which can ruin a man’s career.
The best thing you can do is learn how to approach women. You’ll have so many more options once you know how to confidently talk to anyone.
Having said that, it’s your choice.
If you still want to talk to that girl at work here is one way to go about it:
- Meet or approach her. Wait for a natural time when you’d normally be in the same area. That could be lunch, a break or get togethers with coworkers.
- Make an observational opener. This kind of opener is based on the simplest thing you see in your environment. That could be the weather, how busy the place is, or something you notice about her. “Wow, it really gets loud in here. Sounds like a bar!” or “Your necklace looks like it’s from Peru. Did you get it while traveling?”
- Conversation: Learn about her. Why did she take a job with your company? What does she want to do with her life?
- Ask her out: Be casual. “Hey, I gotta get going, but let's have a coffee sometime.” Notice this is a statement, not a question like, “Do you want to have a coffee sometime?” It comes across more assertively and confidently.
You may do the first 3 steps a few times to get to know her first before asking her out. The only difference after the first time is it should be easier to start the conversations.
Keep learning about her each time to build a connection. Don’t rush to tell her about yourself. When she starts asking you questions it will work better and not look like you’re trying to impress her.
How to approach a girl at HER work
You saw her working at the local coffee shop, in another office, or while you were grocery shopping. She was cute, but you didn’t know how to ask her out while she was working.
Here are some different ways to meet a girl at her work.
There are different ways to ask out a barista.
I’ve gotten numbers while ordering my drink on the go. Sometimes I’ve gotten them after getting to know the baristas by being a regular. Other times I’ve managed to do it by going direct.
While ordering coffee:
I met a hot Japanese girl this one morning while visiting Toronto. She was a barista and took my order. I was instantly attracted to her and didn’t want to leave with nothing but coffee.
So I started a conversation about where she is from right away. Yeah, not exciting. But my eyes did most of the talking. It’s the intent behind your eyes that matters the most. Not your words.
The feeling behind my eyes was pure attraction.
This is an area that will take practice. Many guys hide the intent behind their eyes because they don’t want to expose their sexual feelings. They try to be safe and act like a friend. Don’t pretend to be her friend.
Don’t be too overt though, this is a subtle form of communication.
So, I had little time to seal the deal. I asked for her number directly, “What’s your number?”
For this to work you need to:
- Keep strong eye contact.
- Don’t mask your feelings by pretending to be a friend (this is an emotional focus, not a thing you do).
- Learn something important about her. Usually the best way to start is by asking her WHY she got into her work. At a cafe, the women there will usually be students, so learn about her ambitions.
- Ask her out casually. “We should have a coffee sometime.” or you can also leave your number with her if it’s a high pressure situation (big line waiting for you to move).
Getting to know her by being a regular:
I’d recommend against this strategy unless you’re already a regular because it takes too much time. That time could be spent meeting other girls.
But if you frequent a coffee shop (or another place) and you’re attracted to someone there, this works well.
- Get into regular conversations with everyone who works there and other cafe regulars too.
- Make direct eye contact: As soon as you walk in, make a point of connecting your eyes with hers. Add a bit of a smile too.
- Ask her out: When you get into one of your regular conversations, pop the question. It should always be phrased as “we should” or “let’s” grab a coffee sometime. Never ask a girl if she “wants to,” “would like to,” “is it OK” or some other submissive language. It’s not polite, it looks as if you’re expecting a “no.” Assume a “yes” and ask confidently.
- Wait for an opportunity to talk to her: She may be dealing with customers, so wait until things calm down a bit.
- Take her aside: Go up to her and say, “Hey, come here for one second.” (if you want to take her to a spot with less people listening in away from the cash register) When she comes around to your spot, be direct. “I think you’re cute, you have a great sense of style. We should have coffee sometime.” then wait for her answer. If she says “yes” then ask for her number.
Approaching an office girl:
Many years ago I took another guys’ social boot camp. I needed help because I was struggling for months and not making much progress.
While on boot camp we went into a mall. At this point, my confidence was pretty high because of the momentum that was built.
I saw this girl working at a dental office.
Cute, Asian, and looking down at her computer at the reception desk.
I went direct.
“Hey, I was walking by and couldn’t take my eyes off you. You look great.”
A smile came over her face, and she giggled.
The conversation was very short. Before I left I asked her for a coffee, and she said yes. That turned into a sexual relationship which lasted 6 months.
That was one of my first successes approaching girls directly.
Here’s how you can do it:
- Approach: Pick your time to go talk to her. It can be difficult if she’s dealing with clients or coworkers, so come back during a slow time if you have to.
- Go direct: Tell her exactly why you’re talking to her. You can say, “I noticed you and thought you look nice. I had to come say hi.”
- Conversation: Focus on her, and ask why she got into her work. The “why” is important because people feel a connection when they share personal information. If she likes and trusts you, she’ll open up. If she’s guarded and resists telling you anything then that might be your cue to leave. If so, wish her a good day.
- Ask her out: Approaching a girl who’s working isn’t usually ideal for long conversations so keep it short. Say, “I have to get going but we should have a coffee sometime.” then grab her number if she says yes.