How To Approach A Woman If You're Shy (7 Ways To Ask Her Out)

Are you a shy guy who wants to meet more women?

Then keep reading. In this post, I'll explain:

  • How you as a shy man can approach more women and get more dates
  • Some tricks you can use to give yourself instant confidence

And so much more. Let's jump into it.

Steps To Overcome Shyness To Meet Women

Most of these are steps that I've taken myself personally to overcome my own shyness.

They're also things that I've used with clients to help them overcome their shyness.

I used to have a lot of social anxiety. In fact, I would start sweating a lot, my palms would get sweaty, my pits would get sweaty, and that was really embarrassing.

If you have the same problem, you already know that as soon as you start sweating, you get self-conscious about that and it makes you sweat more and be even more nervous.

But like most young men, I wanted to meet women, which is why  being shy and stuck to myself wasn't an option. I had to figure out how to go out and meet women.

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It took years of experimentation but I did figure it out and I'm not a shy guy anymore.

I'm still introverted though. Introversion and shyness are often slated as one thing, but they're really not.

Introversion just means you like being by yourself. You have to recharge by yourself.

I prefer being myself most of the time, but shyness is not a factor if I want to go talk to people. 

So, in no particular order, let's talk about how to develop your lifestyle to overcome shyness:

How To Develop Your Lifestyle To Overcome Shyness

#1.  Start With Baby Steps

You don't have to do something big and scary to start overcoming your shyness.

Start taking small steps. You can start with something as simple as saying hi in the morning when you're walking down the street.

Just say "Hi" as you walk by, maybe smile, say "Good morning".

That kind of thing is really good to start getting out of your shell and start talking to people.

You can also chat with people that you run into in any kind of random situation and try to get to know them. Don't just say "How are you?" and "I'm fine".

I mean, you can start with that, depending on your level of shyness.

But, you want to start exploring more and learning about the people you run into and talk about them, because people are talking about themselves.

It's a really good place to start if you want to start a conversation.

#2. Be Consistent

If you're going out and you do this, saying hi to people, it's not going to do much to build your confidence unless you do it daily.

Once you start this journey, start going out daily, start saying hi to

people, start chatting with people and doing other steps as well consistently so you can build up your confidence.

#3. Meet Friends

Meeting friends and developing a really good social circle of people who aren't shy is going to help you build more confidence.

There's lots of different ways to make friends, but as an adult, usually going to different kinds of activities or taking courses can be really good.

You'll meet other people who have similar interests as you.

#4. Join Groups

You can go and meet up with lots of other different kinds of groups out there.

Don't limit yourself, but go to groups that have different kinds of activities.

It could be sports activities like hiking, outdoor stuff, even drinking. Go find a whiskey group if you want to make some friends who like whiskey too.

That will also get you more comfortable being around more people, because you're going to be in a group and not at home alone.

#5. Workout

Working out is good for everyone.

It doesn't matter who you are and what kind of fitness goals you may have and how you see yourself.

Whatever your goals are, working out will help you be healthier and also be more confident.

Fit bodies are also more attractive, so that's going to help you down the road as well.

#6. Have A Mission

Have something big in life that you're working on, that you're working towards.

You don't want to be somebody who's just lounging on a couch, has no goals, and isn't working towards anything.

It doesn't matter what the goal is. It's up to you. It's your personal goal.

You can choose anything, but work on something. That's a very good way to build confidence.

When you have a mission and you're living on purpose, it's easier to get your life together and have a direction to go in.

Usually having that kind of mission will also help you develop other kinds of skills along the way.

These things will often lead to directions you couldn't even imagine when you started.

#7. Learn Public Speaking

Public speaking can definitely be scary, but there's lots of groups out there that will help you learn how to do public speaking.

It's a really good way to learn good communication skills and talking to people.

How To Approach A Woman If You're Shy

Since this is about you being shy, I'll focus on the things you can do to overcome the shyness.

For exact details on how to approach women in general, check out this post.

#1. Breathe

When you see an attractive woman you want to talk to and you get that anxiety, take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

This will help calm your nervous system and make it a little bit easier to have some confidence to talk to her.

#2. Start Walking Towards Her Immediately

It doesn't matter if you actually talk to her when you get there. Obviously, ideally you want to talk to her.

But if you can start moving towards her instead of standing there frozen, it'll make it a lot easier to actually go the extra step and then open your mouth to talk to her.

#3. Focus On The Prize

Don't focus on yourself and what she's going to think about you and be self-conscious.

Instead, focus on what you want. You want that beautiful woman? Well, you need to go talk to her to get a date with her.

Be benefit-oriented and don't focus on the negatives or potential downfalls.

#4. Focus On Opening

Instead of focusing on "what am I going to talk about?", don't worry about that kind of stuff.

Focus on opening. All you have to do is open, say something to her and that will get the ball rolling.

Anything can happen if you open up, but nothing's going to happen if you don't open.

#5. Have Good Posture

By having good, strong posture, you'll make yourself feel more confident.

Get your hands out of your pockets, don't look at the ground, don't be crain-necking and keep your shoulders back. That's going to make it easier to breathe.

Very often when we're nervous, we start breathing shallowly and it's probably compounded by bad posture.

If you do have bad posture, it's going to take some work both from the habit of correcting your posture consciously, but also doing exercises which will make the muscles stronger.

This is important in certain stretches as well because you also probably have tightness in different areas of your muscle or your body.

These are pulling you in the wrong direction and giving you bad posture.

If you correct your posture, you're going to give yourself an instant boost of confidence. And also look a lot better too.

Nobody looks good if their hands are in their pockets and their shoulders rolled forward or looking at the ground.

#6. Speak In A Strong Voice

Whoever you're speaking with, always speak with a strong voice.

Don't speak like you're whispering. Don't speak like you're a subordinate. Speak like a boss. Speak like a boss would speak.

They're going to speak louder and stronger and to be heard. This is important, especially if you approach a woman.

You need to speak to be heard, don't be self-conscious about people around you that might hear you. Otherwise the approach is going to flop then.

#7. Look At Your Style

If you are self-conscious, or you don't feel like you look good, it's going to be hard to break out of that shyness shell. 

There are different things you can do there.

I've already mentioned fitness. That's going to be the most important one.

But look at your style as well. Are your clothes comfortable?

Like, do you feel like you look good in your clothing?

If you don't feel like you look good in your clothing, explore some different fashion options.

And if you don't know what that is going to be, what's going to be good for you, then, go to a store.

Try on different things. Speak to somebody who's fashionable and that can be included. A representative in the store, an attractive woman maybe.

So by focusing on these areas, you're going to calm your anxiety. You're going to overcome some of your shyness.

It's not going to be completely gone. This is a process, which is  going to take some time.

Summary

Here is all you need to know on how to develop your lifestyle and overcome shyness:

  1. Start with baby steps: you don't have to do something big and scary to start overcoming your shyness
  2. Be consistent: once you start this journey, start going out daily 
  3. Meet friends: take different kinds of activities or courses
  4. Join group: don't limit yourself, but go to groups that have different kind of activities
  5. Workout: working out is good for everyone
  6. Have a mission: you can choose anything, but work on something. It’s a very good way to build confidence
  7. Learn public speaking: it's a really good way to learn good communication skills and talking to people

And about how to approach a woman if you're shy, you can follow these steps:

  1. Breathe: it'll calm down your nervous system
  2. Start walking towards her immediately: it doesn't matter if you actually talk to her when you get there
  3. Focus on the prize: Be benefit-oriented and don't focus on the negatives or potential downfalls
  4. Focus on opening: all you have to do is open, say something to her and that will get the ball rolling
  5. Have good posture: by having good, strong posture, you'll make yourself feel more confident
  6. Speak in a strong voice: speak like a boss would speak
  7. Look at your style: if you don't feel like you look good in your clothing, explore some different fashion options

Do you have any questions? Leave them below.

Do you want a "personal trainer" for your love life? Learn more here.

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