How Long Should A First Date Be? (Less Than You Think)

How long should a first date be?

This is a relatively simple question, but there is some nuance to it because I've seen a lot of guys screw this up over the last eleven plus years since I've been coaching.

This question is important because the length of your date may determine whether you get a second date, or more.

In this post, I'm going to explain:

  • Different first date scenarios and how long should they last
  • Reasons why understanding the purpose of the date is important

And so much more. Keep reading to find out:

How Long Should A First Date Be?

So, to get the right answer to this question, we have to understand some things:

  • What is the purpose of your first date?
  • Why are you meeting this girl?
  • Are you trying to get laid or are you just trying to get to know her?

Either way, your goal or your mission on your first date is going to dictate how long the date should be.

Scenario #1: Going On The Date To Get To Know Her

If you're meeting this girl on your first date just to get to know her, her personality or goals and ambitions and all those good things and maybe tell her a little bit about yourself, then keep it short.

How short? Shorter than your dick. Now, depending on your dick, that might be too short. But stay with me here.

The longer you're on this date, the more likely you're going to leave tired and she's going to leave tired, too. Not physically tired, unless you're arm wrestling, but you're going to leave mentally tired.

Worst of all, she's going to leave mentally tired because everybody's trying to put on a show and put on appearances on their first date. It can be a little bit of a stress.

If you're having a really good first date and the chemistry is just there, you have a little bit more time to work with.

However, generally speaking, you want to leave her fresh mentally so when you leave, she actually remembers feeling good when she left.

She didn’t feel tired or had one of those pressure headaches from thinking so hard about what she was going to say next. Even if it's going well, leaving early on a first date shows that you have other things to do.

Hell, you might have another date after. Overall, it's going to give the impression that you're not needy, which is really important.

Girls, and actually guys too for that matter, don't want somebody who's needy. Who wants a needy partner who clings onto them as soon as they meet?

People are more interesting when they have things going on in their lives, and that means they don't have all the time in the world for you. Plus, you shouldn't have all the time in the world for them either.

But to get to the point, when you invite her on that second date, you want her to remember that feeling, that feeling that she felt good when she left.

There's some mystery about you because you didn't tell her your whole life story and there's lots to talk about still.

On the other hand, if when you invite her on that second date that feeling she remembers is fatigue, tiredness or like the conversation went on forever... good luck.

Remember: keep the date short so your odds of getting a second date are better.

Scenario #2: Going On The Date To Get Laid

The second scenario is, hey, you want to get laid right away, and who doesn't?

If you want to take her home on the first date, the time limit goes right out the window as soon as you get home.

That's because the dynamic changes as soon as you're in a more intimate environment and possibly getting more intimate. That's when all the chemistry changes because, hey, you gotta try it before you buy it, right?

After about an hour - and this goes for a first date where you're trying to get to know her too - you can say, "let's go back to my place".

If she turns down your invite, she says she's busy or she has other things or just a straight up no, that's fine. It doesn't mean you're not going to get a second date.

Another benefit is that you're showing some assertiveness, drawing a line or saying, hey, this is a romantic thing. This is not platonic, we're not friends.

That way, she'll know what to expect on the second date.

Even if she does say yes, that does not mean you're going to get laid. You can go home with her. You might end up kissing or not, or it doesn't go anywhere or she's not ready to go all the way and that's fine.

But now that you're home, you can just chill, take your time, chat more, get to know her more, and have a good date.

To summarize, here's how long the first date should last:

On the first scenario: if you're just getting to know her, keep your date to under an hour and then say, "hey, I gotta get going, but let's chat another time".

You'll come across less needy, you'll look like you're a guy who has things going on, and hopefully you do.

Plus, you're respecting your own time, because hey, time is precious and you should be getting on to other things if you're not going to be advancing that date forward.

On the second scenario: if you want to get laid, then invite her home.

After about an hour, invite her home and see how things go. If she says yes, don't worry about the time. Just take your time while you're home and enjoy yourself.


Here are some common questions guys ask about how long a first date should last:

Is a Two-hour Date Too Long?

Generally speaking, a two-hour date is a little bit too long.

It's not too crazy, but it's at that point where both of you will probably start getting tired thinking about things to say.

On the other hand, if you're hiking or doing something active, it may not be that long.

How Long Should Each Date Be?

Each state should last about an hour, depending on what you're doing. If you're going for coffee or having a drink, keep it to about an hour.

If you're doing something active, then you can go for longer, or if you go home together, obviously that's going to last much longer.

Do you want to learn more about how to have great first dates? Then check out this post.

How Long Should A First Date Last? (Summary)

To summarize, here's how long the first date should last:

  1. If you're just getting to know her, keep your date to under an hour. You'll come across as less needy, and as someone who has things to do and who respects their own time.
  2. If you want to get laid, then invite her home and if she agrees, forget about time and focus on enjoying yourself.

If you’ve got any questions or comments, be sure to leave them below.

Do you want a "personal trainer" for your love life? Learn more here.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram
Share via
Copy link