'Sponsored Post' By Sean Russell
The dating community is awesome.
It’s the reason I went from a super shy guy who couldn’t talk to a girl whatsoever to the man I am now, who is full of confidence, can talk to women anywhere and who is married to a girl he met on the streets of Budapest.
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Get this 100% free eBook: The 6 Principles of Attraction
I couldn’t be more grateful.
But over the ten years that I’ve been involved in this community I have evolved to think quite differently than most coaches out there. I think there are a lot of flaws with the current dating model, which we know as “pickup” or picking up girls.
This is mainly due to my coach, mentor and now great friend John Cooper, who is better with women than anyone I have ever met.
His teachings took me from being good with women, to being effortless with women. And in this article I would like to share 5 ideas that will help you take your dating life to the next level.
I hope it helps you on your journey as it did mine.
Before We Start: Don’t Give up on Real Connection
Since the pandemic most people have turned to dating apps to meet new partners.
Dating apps are all well and good. You should use them. But you shouldn’t rely on them 100%.
Even after the PTSD of social distancing, there is no better way to meet women than organically during your everyday life. At Starbucks, the grocery store, the gym and definitely the street (where I met my beautiful wife).
Women are super receptive to men during everyday life over apps or bars.
- At bars, they get hit on all night. They are very quick to turn you down.
There is also a LOT of competition. I find it’s better to focus on having fun while partying at night rather than hunting for women, stuck in your head with your beer at your chest. When you let go of having to “get” women and just have fun, you become super attractive and you can invite women into your fun bubble if the opportunity presents itself. If not, at least you had an epic night with your bro’s.
- On the apps, girls get hundreds of messages everyday. And the hot ones even more.
It is insanely hard to stand out and connect with the women you find most attractive - even if you have an amazing picture and a perfect bio.
BUT. On the street you’ll be the only guy who hits on her all day. Plus, you’ll exude extreme confidence doing so. Yes, it’s hard and scary if you’ve never done it. But with the right dating coach you’d be amazed how fast it becomes easy.
Alright guys, enough chit chat. Let’s get into 3 ideas that will help you take your dating life to the next level. Enjoy.
Pickup is a great way to start getting better at talking to women on the street or cafe’s.
But I think there comes a point in every man’s journey where he needs to let go of the pickup artist framework and take his dating life to the next level.
Pickup is a system that is inherently built around neediness. Just getting into pickup is needy because it means you are bad with women & you are spending everyday hunting for women and pretty much revolving everything you do around meeting women. In order to hide this neediness, you use a host of techniques like false time constraints, waiting 3 days to text & if you're deep into the game - negging.
Don’t worry, I’ve been there!
But you can get to a point, like most pickup artists do, where you can talk to women out of fun & desire rather than lack and neediness.
What I specialize in is taking guys from pickup to this next level where:
1: Women are not their #1 priority - they are not needy anymore.
2: They can talk to women without doing pickup, during their active everyday life.
3: And they have no more approach anxiety or fear of rejection because they are not attached to an outcome. They express their desire 100% unconditionally.
We’ll learn more about this below, but if you want to go deep into it check out John and my 100% free eBook called The 6 Principles of Attraction. It will teach you everything about my philosophy and how to get started.
As we spoke about before, the pickup artist lifestyle is not the ideal way for men to attract women long term.
Just the fact that you want to get into pickup is needy. It’s kind of an oxymoron, but you have to admit this and be okay with being needy at first. Guys who are good with women don’t watch videos on YouTube on how to get girls. They don’t even know what pickup is.
They just do it. This is what I call unconscious competence.
But we were not all born this way - so it’s 100% OK to be needy at the start.
But when you go out to “do pickup” or hunt women, women are your #1 priority. This means if you go talk to a girl and she tells you to fuck off you are left standing there with nothing.
You have no greater purpose.
The opposite would be a bartender who’s purpose at the moment is to serve drinks. He’s serving drinks all night as he stops to hit on the hot girl at the bar. She ignores his advances so he simply goes back to his greater purpose. He has lost nothing.
This is called autonomy.
I want you to start thinking “autonomy first” when you go out. Go out just to enjoy your day or grab a coffee. IF you see a hot girl, then go talk to her. If it doesn’t work out, which it often does - just go back to what you were doing. No big deal.
Having autonomy will allow you to stop trying to fill the hole within you, but instead to be whole.
You won’t need the girl to be fulfilled. You are already fulfilled and you can shine unconditionally like the sun. If a girl wants to stay in the shade and not get a tan, the sun does not get offended. And neither will you. And guess what, all the planets orbit around the sun.
The biggest hurdles guys have when starting to talk to women is dealing with two things:
- Approach anxiety
- And the fear of rejection
But these two things are completely avoidable and actually created by the community itself.
When you are in the pickup mindset you are trying to take. Trying to get something. The girl.
If you fail, you are rejected. You lose.
Of course you’re going to have approach anxiety or the fear of rejection. This attachment to a positive result to feel successful creates a win-lose duality, and therefore fear.
The alternative is to first be 100% whole without women & and instead of trying to get something from her, like the beggar on the street, you can offer your desire as a gift - completely free from the need for a certain reaction or outcome.
After all, you cannot control how she reacts.
The best example is as so:
You see a girl you like. You want to talk to her, but you’re completely frozen. Afraid. Having “approach anxiety.” She’s so hot you feel immense fear that she will “reject” you. You just cannot do it.
Then, she drops her purse as she walks. She doesn’t notice.
Without thinking you run over grab the purse, stop her and give it back to her.
What just happened?
1: There was no approach anxiety.
2: There was no fear of rejection.
These two things completely disappeared with a simple shift in perspective.
You went from trying to take - to giving unconditionally.
The magic comes from being able to build enough internal value in yourself where you can see yourself and the expression of your desire as a gift that any girl would be lucky to have.
Because you are and it is.
This takes work, yes. But that’s what we do. We get you there.
We’ve all heard of big dick energy. It’s when a guy is extremely confident with women because society has distilled in him that he has something in his pants that every girl wants. He has deep seeded sexual confidence. This makes him extremely un-needy and therefore extremely attractive.
This type of confidence is so underappreciated. And you don’t need a big dick to have it.
Imagine how confident you would be if you knew deep down that you could sexually satisfy women better than 99% of guys. That you could, without fail, make her have the most mind blowing & powerful orgasm of her life. How confident would you be?
I think a lot of unconfidence with women comes from the unconscious knowing that one really doesn’t know what they are doing in the bedroom.
I try to build my clients up to the point where they feel as if they’ve got a million dollar check with her name on it in their back pocket. To feel deeply that they are enough and have lots to offer women. Not just sexually, but the sexual aspect is often overlooked.
If you cannot say without a doubt that you know how to blow a girl's mind in the bedroom, then put in the work to get there. You weren’t taught this in highschool. It’s up to you.
Some things you can do:
- Consider Practicing Tantra
- How to Last Longer in Bed
Having this sexual confidence will help you instill the core belief that you are valuable. You have a lot to offer and she would be lucky to have you.
This makes you less needy, which makes you more attractive.
I know looking for love is a serious thing. But at the end of the day all life should be fun.
Too many guys are in a work mode when trying to meet women. They use military language like targets, sets, disarming, approaching and a lot more. It makes meeting women sound like you’re going to war.
You’ve all seen the guys standing around the dancefloor with the drink at their chest, hunting..
That shit is not fun. Nor is it attractive.
That used to be me. While my friends who had GF’s were dancing and having a blast, because they didn’t care about girls. At the end of the night, girls were trying to kiss them!
Because they had absolutely zero neediness.
The magic happens when you can focus on having fun while still taking action. A buildable skill anyone can learn.
So guys, there you have it. 5 ideas that may make you look at how you are going about meeting women a little bit differently and help you take your dating life to the next level.
These mindset shifts don’t happen overnight, but with the right exercises and training - they happen. Even in the hardest cases.
So if you want to learn more about how to embody these principles into your life, then check out the 100% free eBook my coach John & I made to teach you just that.
Thanks for reading guys! Have fun out there.
Sean Russell is the CEO and founder of Menprovement.com, a website dedicated to helping men become the best versions of themselves. He has a passion for being his best and helping others through his experiences. He also enjoys playing soccer, cliff jumping and chilling with his friends and family.