If you’re wondering what a dating coach does, and how date coaching can help you, this post breaks down everything you need to know before you hire help for your love life.
I go over my story from being very shy and suffering from social anxiety to becoming confident with women, how a dating coach helped me get over my fears, and a Q&A.
If you’re considering coaching then read on. Use the clickable table of contents to skip to the topics that interest you.
Part 1 Top^
I never intended to help men get into relationships. In the beginning I just wanting the freedom to meet women without using online dating or clubs. In my early twenties I had bad social anxiety and depression. Meeting anyone was difficult.
I struggled with shyness so it took a lot of work to learn how to meet women. Started with online dating, I became successful with women but still felt limited. I asked myself, “how can I talk to women anywhere I go?”
II could be standing beside a beautiful woman and freeze, unable to say anything. Then the light would change and she would walk away…
I would stand there feeling stupid for being a coward. It couldn’t be that hard, right? Why was I so shy?
One day I was browsing videos on YouTube and saw a short clip which amazed me. This guy walked up to an attractive woman and started a conversation with a compliment. That blew me away. Was it that simple? I set out to learn on my own.
For months it was a non stop struggle. The social anxiety was too much for me to overcome so I continued to watch women walk by and say nothing. That’s when I hired a dating coach and did a social bootcamp. That dating training changed my life.
Even though the training was only three hours, it was enough of a push to get started. Seeing someone else approach women made a big difference because now I had a real life example. He also made me talk to women in a ton of different situations. It was uncomfortable but also a huge thrill. I even got some dates.
This bootcamp changed my direction in life.
Part 2 Top^
“How did you get into this profession?”
A number of years after my dating bootcamp, I started getting really good at meeting women. I could talk to them anywhere; walking down the street, bus stops, malls, cafes, grocery stores, restaurants, college campuses, you name it.
There wasn’t any situation where I couldn’t get dates.
I still wanted to get better and decided teaching was the best way to do that. Teaching guys how to get dates in Vancouver made a big difference. It took the whole thing to a new level which I never expected. I had to break everything down into steps for my students to learn which made me relearn.
Meeting women while dating coaching was fun and exciting but it became more significant. I could see men change their lives right before my eyes and that gave me a bigger purpose; helping men become better at being men.
Guys who had no confidence to meet women started getting dates and girlfriends. I’ve now been training Vancouver singles and men everywhere in person and online for the last 5 years. I’ve coached men in cities like Toronto, Boston, Seattle, London, Colorado, New York, Calgary, and even in Asia where I taught a Hong Kong bootcamp.
That’s my story from a shy guy to a dating coach in a nutshell.
Part 3 Top^
Call me biased, but yes they do. My own experience with a coach was invaluable because I no longer struggled on my own. He showed me exactly what to say and do in different scenarios. That gave me a lot of confidence knowing what worked and what didn’t. I also learned that most women are nice when you’re upfront and sincere.
That was my personal experience, but I’ve seen complete transformations by clients who hadn’t had dates in years.
One of my clients, an Asian man in his thirties, only had a handful of dates in six years. All of those women were introduced by family. After going through my program, he met dozens of women, and dated a few of them before he chose the best one.
Some people call this “infield coaching”, which just means you get training by meeting women in public with your date coach.
Part 4 Top^
Sort of. Hitch from the movie would create scenarios to set up his clients as hero’s. The end result was women falling in love with them.
What I do is realistic. Guys learn how to become strong, confident men by challenging their fears. They do this by meeting women and learning my predictable dating system. The system is based on what has gotten myself, and clients real results.
Beyond dating, I mentor men to think bigger, change their mindsets, and take on challenges which make them grow. That could mean asking for a raise at work, telling off a bully, getting in the gym, learning discipline, and exploring their ambitions.
Working on the big picture not only makes men more attractive to women, but also creates much more fulfillment.
Part 5 Top^
I’ve dated over a thousand women which gives me a different perspective than most guys. I’ve seen and tried everything, and have experienced tons of rejection before figuring things out. After years of teaching I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t work. Nothing I teach is based on guesswork, it’s all been tested in real life.
When choosing a dating coach buyer beware; The majority of coaches out there don’t have more than average levels of experience with women. It’s the blind teaching the blind, which is why so much bad dating advice exist.
Most have never approached a woman in their lives. If someone doesn’t know what it’s like to walk up to a stranger and get a date, why trust their advice?
Part 6 Top^
You already have! If you want coaching to get good with women, fill out my online application right here. It says “Vancouver dating coach” in the title, however I serve guys in person and online around the world. Ask about my bootcamps in Asia if you want something extra exotic.
Part 7 Top^
I do online coaching for men around the world. With online coaching, you can expect to make huge gains in confidence, self image, lifestyle and your love life. I’ll make sure you stay on track by keeping you accountable and keeping you working on the right things for maximum results.
Dating skills such as approaching, getting numbers, texting, and what to do on a date are all covered, as well as your personal development for long term success.
If you want online coaching you can contact me here.
Part 8 Top^
Relationship coaches usually only deal with people who are already in a relationship. Some will handle dating too and go under the ‘relationship coach’ title because they don’t want to be mistaken for pickup artist.
It’s understandable trying to avoid that association but is a bit confusing for anyone who want’s a dating coach.
Part 9 Top^
No. I’ve been asked many time about matching but that’s not what I do. I teach guys how to fish so they can get their own relationships. Matchmakers give guys the fish so they’re always dependent on going back to the matchmaker if things don’t go well.
It’s more satisfying to see guys become strong men instead of creating dependence.
Part 10 Top^
My training is about making strong, independent men who can get into healthy relationships. It’s not to become “pick up artist”. If you want to learn PUA tactics then there are better coaches for that.
I run social bootcamps to help guys meet great women and overcome shyness.
The basic idea behind any dating bootcamp is the same; go out on the street or in a mall and talk to women. PUA’s tend to focus exclusively on techniques and gimmicks. My coaching creates honest, strong men.
Either can work, but it’s important to look at long term goals and your own ethics before making your choice.
Part 11 Top^
Another way to put this question is, “Will women still like me even though I’m ugly and overweight?” And the answer is yes. The way men and women get turned on is different. Men are very visual and we’ll judge women solely based on looks. At least initially.
Women on the other hand are turned on by a man’s behavior. It’s the way you act and the energy you project that will turn her on. I can’t count how many ugly guys I’ve seen with attractive women.
It’s not that looks don’t matter at all, but they’re secondary compared to a man’s attitude.
This question also means implies self esteem issues. Feeling ugly is a confidence issue which can be changed with mindset training, getting experience with women, fitness, and a style makeover.
If you’re overweight then that should be handled too so that you can lose the burden. I’m not a personal trainer but will keep you accountable and refer you to a great trainer here in Vancouver. If you’re not in my city then I’ll help get you set up with someone in your area.
Don’t let your looks, or your perception about your looks stop you from leading a fulfilling life with great relationships.
Part 12 Top^
It happened one time. There was a guy who really shouldn’t have been training but I didn’t know better back then.
His attitude was really bad and he wasn’t willing to try anything. On the second day of his bootcamp he quit. This taught me a valuable lesson and I’ve never had a student fail since then.
Now, I’m very selective about who I will work with. It’s important to make sure clients receive the maximum value possible from their investment in coaching.
Part 13 Top^
Yes and no.
Numbers definitely play a part but they’re often over emphasized. What happens as you get good with women is that you’ll get more dates from less effort. Your ratio will change so that more women like you even though you’ll be talking to less. If a guy is playing pure numbers and not improving he’ll be in a losing game.
No one wants to do work for nothing, that’s why it’s important to learn the right way from the start.
Part 14 Top^
To the questions, “Hows your dating life? Do you have a steady girlfriend or have you ever?” the answer is yes. I’ve had many long term relationships and I’m currently in a serious relationship.
I met her three years ago while coaching. Part of my job is to do demonstrations, so I’ve met a lot of women while showing guys the right way to introduce themselves.
My approach to meeting women isn’t just for flings or one night stands. Long term relationships can also be developed.
Part 15 Top^
I’m not a fan of the PUA scene because I don’t like the mindset. When I started learning dating skills it had nothing to do with becoming a pickup artist. I wanted to meet women and have fun.
Eventually I discovered “the community” and became friends with some good guys. In the end I distanced myself because of the drama and negativity associated with pick up guys.
Part 16 Top^
Great question. Being a pickup artist is sort like being part of a club. Just like any club they have inside lingo, mindsets and get together in groups.
I’m not a PUA simply because I’ve distanced myself from the “community” and don’t use the same language, hang out with pickup artist, or teach PUA mindsets or gimmicks. Mindset is everything because it’s the blueprint for our actions.
My focus is on being a strong man, mentally and physically.
Part 17 Top^
I mostly work with men, although I have taken on female clients too. It’s a very different coaching experience because of the differences in dating strategies and mindset for men and women.
I teach men a very direct, assertive style that creates attraction with women. For women, I teach how to become more attractive to men, become ‘available’ so men ask them out, and personal development for the big picture (men and women).
As for age I’ve worked with everyone from 19 years old to 67. Most of my clients are between 28-42.
Part 18 Top^
“I haven’t had a date in 10 years. I nearly pass out when I think about approaching women. I’m also a 3/10 in looks. How do you help someone like me?”
I saw this question on Reddit but have been asked the same thing. Yes, I’ve helped guys with extreme social anxiety including 30 year old virgins, men with extreme bad self image and guys in their 40’s who’ve never had a relationship.
All men can learn but some guys will take longer than others. The question is; how badly do you want it? If you want it bad enough and follow my instructions then I can help you regardless of looks, age, self esteem issues or experience.
Keep in mind though, the more there is to work on the more time it might take. Be prepared to go all the way if you apply for coaching. Nothing great is made with half efforts. I’ll help you build up slowly so that you don’t get overwhelmed. Too much too soon is as good as nothing at all.
If bad self image is the main problem it’s going to require a mindset shift. This is done by working through the core reasons you feel bad about yourself, building experience with women, developing advanced social skills, upgrading your fitness and health, and even a makeover.
A lot of men with bad self esteem issues don’t realize how close they are to a major shift in their lives. It often only requires an outside influence to show them a new way.
Part 19 Top^
I’m happy to say that I’m part of the 1% of coaches and am not cheap to work with. For guys who have their financial shit together, my programs change lives. Cost is a factor but if that’s the number one question on your mind I’m probably not the right coach for you.
For more affordable coaching options I’ll do a 2-3 hour coaching session. This will break through the crucial first steps men need to take to build confidence and learn skills approaching women.
Part 20 Top^
No. A lot of dating coaches will lie and say you can get anyone with “Three simple words” and other nonsense. You won’t, but you’ll learn how to get dates with attractive women, and be able to approach anyone.
There are so many things that are out of our control when meeting women. Their relationship status, preferences, and mood all play a part. We have a lot of influence as confident men but we can’t change everything.
Expect to learn how to get the kind of women you want, just not every single one of them. If you’ve been single for 10 years and now you want to date models it’s not realistic.
Part 21 Top^
Honestly, you may never get over it.
Only psychopaths feel zero fear. Even after years of doing this, I still get a tinge of anxiety when I go and talk to women. The thing that separates me from every other guy is that I actually will talk to women, anywhere. The fear disappears fast because it’s usually the thought that creates fear. Once in action it’s not a problem.
If you learn the core skills that every man needs you may still get fear but you’ll know how to deal with it.
Part 22 Top^
The answer is, I don’t know.
It depends on how ambitious you are, and where you’re starting from. I’ve seen tremendous results from guys who literally had zero experience with women in short periods.
One client lost his virginity after five months in my master program and made a lot of progress towards becoming confident. In his case, social anxiety was an issue, and he had trouble talking to anyone, let alone attractive women.
Another client I coached became a boss after a single weekend bootcamp.
He became so attractive to women that he got invited home from a gas station after approaching a hot blond. He was so confused by the request that he texted me and asked, “What should I do?” I replied, “Go home with her!” He was an exception.
Most guys will start to become proficient after 4-6 months of self help work. It may sound like a long time but there’s no quick fixes. Don’t fall for overnight lies. Working on yourself as a whole man will produce better results than just focusing on dating alone.
Part 23 Top^
Immediately. Getting good with women may take a few months but there is some instant gratification. I get guys talking to women the moment we go out. Some guys need a bit more time so they’ll get some warm up training first.
By putting yourself out there and talking to women anything can happen. I’ve seen guys get dates on day 1 of their training programs. It’s pretty common, although a lot of guys will go through some slow periods afterwards as they learn to get good.
The mind is a tricky thing. If you don’t have any tools to deal with fear then it’s unlikely you’ll cope. That’s why coaching is so powerful. You can get expert support to overcome the inertia that we all start with.
Part 24 Top^
Dating bootcamps or ‘social bootcamps’ are concentrated training programs which can give you a huge amount of experience in a short time. Boot camps run anywhere from 1 day and up to a whole week. Technically they can be longer but most guys don’t have the time or resources to go longer.
You can expect to meet a lot of women in a short time. I take guys out starting in the morning and going until the evening talking to women in the street. Usually it starts with me doing a number of demonstration approaches so guys can see it being done.
Each approach is broken down into steps for better understanding. After a student has the basic idea, I’ll get him doing approaches and critique them so he can learn fast. Students get to try dozens of scenarios with lots of different women so they’re prepared for anything.
Now here’s the downside to bootcamps; they don’t work in the long run for most guys. Even though I’ve seen men get results, most guys stop doing what they learned after their social boot camp is done. The reason is that they no longer have a mentor to support them.
It’s a lot easier when there is someone showing you the way. This is why I developed 3-6 month master programs. Guys get a chance to develop new lifestyle habits, and internalize crucial mindsets which they will carry for life.
In the end it’s up to you. If you want to try a bootcamp you’ll have a blast, just be realistic with your expectations.
Part 25 Top^
Pick up artist or PUA’s are guys who have turned picking up women into an art. They typically get together in groups to give each other feedback on approaches (and brag). PUA’s have a unique language which they use among themselves.
Just like any subculture, their language identifies insiders. Most PUA’s emphasize mass approaching and often lower the quality of their interactions because of it.
Part 26 Top^
Expect to be pushed outside of your comfort zone and to do things you never thought were possible.
A coach will give you accountability and get you doing things that you wouldn’t do on your own. I struggled for months before I got my own coach. Coaching speed up the learning process so you can get results faster than on your own.
My programs run 3-6 months, so expect to commit for the long run. The benefit is real mindset shifts, new lifestyle habits that get results, and dating skills that most guys don’t even know about. This will give you a major advantage on the dating market. No more getting left behind when a ‘cooler’ guy shows up.
Part 27 Top^
Dating coaches help with two main things; accountability and expert dating advice.
Accountability keeps you on track when things get rough. One reason so many people fail at their new years resolutions is because they don’t have anyone to keep them accountable. When our natural laziness kicks in it’s easy to “miss this one time” which turns into quitting.
Dating advice and live demonstrations will show you an entirely new way to meet and handle women. Most dating advice is bad, really bad, but it’s hard for guys to decipher. That’s why it’s important to watch demonstrations from your coach, then experience it for yourself.
Each step of the way will be laid out for you, from the initial approach, getting her number, follow up text, and the date itself.
Finally, lifestyle habits and mindset are trained. The way we think determines the actions we’ll take. Bad mindsets will stop most men from even starting. These two things will determine your long term success and ability to get into fulfilling relationships with quality women.
Are you ready to start meeting women? Check out my dating coach page for more info on working together.
Do you have a question that wasn’t answered? Comment below to let me know.
I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF and many more. I want to help you get socially confident and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.
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