My interview with Dan Bacon from the 'Modern Man'. Dan is a dating & relationship expert who's been coaching men on how to make connections with women for more than a decade.
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And much more.
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In terms of what I offer at The Modern Man, it’s about being a man who can succeed in all aspects of dating and relationships with modern women.
Unlike in the past, when a woman would stay with a man for life even if the relationship wasn't working, today’s women usually only stick with a man if he knows how to keep the love alive and make the relationship work.
If a man doesn’t know how to do that, he will get dumped or cheated on at some point.
In terms of dating, women now have more choice than ever before. If a man doesn’t actually know how to attract women during interactions and is merely hoping to get lucky, he will rarely get the pretty girls. He'll usually end up settling for less than he deserves, or nothing at all.
What I teach a man allows him to naturally attract pretty women. This means he can instantly begin to enjoy his choice of pretty women for casual sex, or settle down with a pretty woman of his choosing, rather than settling for less, or nothing at all.
I also teach a man how to effortlessly keep the respect, attraction and love alive in a relationship, so his woman sincerely wants to stay with him for life. And doesn’t end up cheating on him or dumping him.
No, I wasn’t.
I got a pretty girlfriend by pure luck and gradually became very insecure and needy in the relationship. This resulted in her cheating on me and dumping me after a year.
It was a devastating experience because I assumed that since we loved each other so much at the start, she would put up with the change in my behavior and we’d stay together anyway.
It was a huge wake up call for me about women.
I realized that the love a woman feels for you and her commitment to you is not guaranteed. Even if the love felt great for both of you at the start.
As a man, you either know how to keep a woman attracted and in love with you in a relationship, or you don’t.
If you don’t know how, you will get dumped or cheated on and some point. It's inevitable.
Personally, after getting dumped, I was sad, lonely and frustrated for a couple of years before I eventually decided that I needed to figure this area of life out, rather than waiting to get lucky with another woman and hoping that she wouldn’t cheat on me, or dump me.
So, I went out every weekend to approach women in bars. Also during the day with a friend of mine. The aim was to attract women on purpose, rather than hoping to randomly get lucky.
Initially, I got rejected by pretty women because I didn’t know how to attract women and struggled to keep conversations going and keep them interesting.
Unattractive women were sometimes interested, but I wasn't. I wanted the pretty women.
So, I persisted and kept going out every weekend until I discovered ways to naturally attract pretty women right away. Then naturally build on their attraction during a conversation.
When I discovered that, pretty women began trying to keep conversations going with me and eventually, they even started trying to pick me up.
It was an amazing change to experience from women and helped get rid of that feeling of being left out, unwanted or overlooked.
Suddenly, I was a guy that women felt intensely attracted to and wanted to be with.
As a result, I began going home with new, pretty women every weekend and getting into fun, casual sex relationships with them.
Sometimes, I decided to commit for a while and have a relationship, but I didn’t want to settle down for real yet because I wanted to experience more.
I went on to enjoy that life for over 10 years and had my choice of pretty women.
Then, I met my perfect girl and realized that I only wanted to be with her.
When we met (she was 20 and I was 35), I had 4 other women in my life at the time that I was sleeping with and all of them were hoping to be my girlfriend.
For years, so many women were literally willing to put up with being one of my girls, in the hope that they’d become my number one girl and get me to commit to them for life.
I also had many women propose marriage to me, but I wasn’t ready or willing to settle down for real yet.
My perfect girl proposed after a couple of months and I continue to say no for the first two years (i.e. I told her that I wanted to be with her, but I wasn't interested in getting married. She accepted that and was willing to just remain my girlfriend so she could be with me). Eventually I decided to happily accept her offer and we've been together ever since.
So, I went from being an insecure, needy guy who only got a girl by luck, to enjoying my choice of pretty women, having multiple women competing to be my girlfriend, being proposed to by many pretty women and then happily settling down with my perfect girl.
I’ve been with her for almost 10 years now.
Good question.
These days, the obvious answer seems to be dating apps. But there’s a huge problem with using that as a solution for lonely men.
If a guy isn’t very good looking, he will usually only be able to attract average or below-average women. This won’t give him what he really wants (i.e. a pretty or very beautiful girlfriend that truly loves him and that he is proud of, loves to have sex with and truly loves as well).
Additionally, if he doesn’t know how to attract pretty women during a conversation, then the occasional pretty woman he gets out on a date via a dating app just won’t feel enough of a spark with him.
As a result, he’ll lose those opportunities and have to settle for women he’s not attracted to, or just continue to be alone.
If he continues to be alone, or accepts less than he deserves or wants, he will feel depressed, left out and frustrated with women and his dating life.
It’s a feeling that just won’t go away for him. And won’t be solved by being with an unattractive or average woman that he doesn’t truly love.
So, what I recommend first and foremost, is that a guy learns how to attract women during interactions and conversations.
Once a guy has that skill, he will be able to take advantage of random opportunities he has with pretty women (e.g. the pretty woman serving him at a café who happens to be single, a pretty woman he gets introduced to through friends, or at an event, or the pretty woman he randomly starts talking to at a bar or party).
He will also feel so much more confident around pretty women because he will know that he can attract most of them.
It’s not possible for a guy to attract and pick up any pretty woman in the world, but it is possible to attract and pick up most of the pretty women you meet.
I know that from personal experience in my own life, from taking new clients out to bars and clubs every weekend for 3 years (I don’t do that anymore because I have settled down) and from the endless success stories I receive from guys who have used my advice to enjoy their choice of women.
Once you know how to attract pretty women on purpose (i.e. you’re not relying on hoping to get lucky), the world is your oyster so to speak.
You see women and it’s like looking at a smorgasbord or buffet of options for you.
You literally look around and think, “Which woman do I want?”. Then go over and talk to her, attract her and in almost all cases, end up sleeping with her or having a relationship with her.
It’s an amazing, life-changing skill to have as a man.
Looks do matter.
However, ugly, below-average or average looking guys can still attract pretty women. Most women (not all) place more importance on how you make them feel during interactions.
Just to be clear here, I’m talking about in person interactions and not dating apps.
Some guys get confused and place dating apps and in person interactions into the same category.
They are two different worlds.
On dating apps, it’s all about looks initially. Then, it’s about how you text her and arrange the meetup and then, about if you’re able to attract her at the meetup.
In person, a woman will see your looks initially. But as long as you're confident, she will feel a little spark and begin to focus on how your personality and behavior are making her feel.
If you can make her laugh, or flirt with her to create more of a spark, her attraction for you will grow.
A woman can literally see you as a 6/10 initially based on looks, but then see you as an 8, 9 or 10/10 guy 30 seconds later based on how you are interacting with her.
This is where my advice comes into action.
What I teach guys is how to be naturally attractive when interacting with women, so women always see them as an 8, 9 or 10/10 guy.
The more a guy understands and uses what I teach, the more women will see him as a 10/10 all the time.
In other words, he will be the kind of guy that women try to pick up, want to be in a relationship with and never want to leave.
Make Her Love You For Life teaches a man how to make a woman feel sexually attracted to him, respect him and be totally in love with him when in a relationship.
I use the Make Her Love You For Life approach in my relationship and it’s natural, effortless and creates such a happy, in love feeling between you and the woman.
Even though my wife and I were in love at the start, it’s even stronger now.
It’s one of the most amazing things you can experience with a woman.
Unfortunately, many guys end up in unhappy, loveless relationships or marriages. It's one of the worst things you can experience with a woman.
Many guys end up feeling disrespected, unloved and even alone in a relationship with a woman.
Eventually, a breakup, divorce or cheating happens and the pain intensifies.
What I teach ensures that a man is respected, loved and appreciated by his woman and never has to endure the pain and heartache of being cheated on or dumped.
Get Your Ex Back Super System teaches a man what to say and do to get an ex girlfriend, fiancé or wife back after a breakup, separation or divorce.
When a guy gets dumped, he is usually so hurt, depressed and devastated that he does all the wrong things, which turns the woman off even more.
I helped over 100 phone coaching clients to successfully get their ex woman back, before I recorded my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System.
I did all that prep work to ensure I knew exactly where guys were going wrong and what actually worked to get a woman back.
I combined my experience helping over 100 men to get a woman back with my masterful understanding of attraction, to create the ultimate step-by-step process to get an ex woman back.
It works so well that some guys have said things like, “It’s scary how well it worked. She’s like a totally different woman now. She respects, loves and feels attracted to me like she never has before. The change in her is mind blowing” and so on.
I also help men via my eBook (also available in audiobook format) called The Flow, which teaches a man how to naturally attract pretty women during conversations to get to a phone number, kiss, date or sex.
I used The Flow method to enjoy my choice of pretty women for over 10 years.
The Flow is the easiest way to get laid or get a girlfriend and best of all, it’s based on natural attraction.
It’s not about cheap tricks or gimmicks.
Instead, it’s about naturally attracting a woman in ways that she simply cannot resist.
The simple, easy-to-use techniques from The Flow cause a woman to want to be with you, even if you’re not her usual physical type.
It unlocks access to pretty, beautiful, sexy women who would normally overlook or ignore you as an option.
Attraction and a sense of loss.
Once you make an ex woman feel attracted to you in a new way and also make her feel like she is losing you (rather than you are losing her), it creates a perfect pleasure-pain mix that she simply cannot resist.
Most guys have no idea how to do that and if they don’t figure it out quickly enough, they end up getting left behind by her.
Then, in many cases, a guy will continue to miss his ex girlfriend for years or even decades.
It’s always a thorn in his side, or pebble in his shoe, so to speak.
It’s a sad, depressing memory that many guys never really recover from, or get over.
So, when I help a guy get his ex woman back and he emails me to say thanks and tell me what happened, I feel such a tremendous sense of relief for him.
He can now either stay with her for life, or be with her for a while and then walk away the victor with his head held high.
It will no longer be a pebble in his shoe.
It will become a positive, transformative experience for him that makes him become a stronger, wiser and more capable man than he was prior.
A lack of attraction.
Essentially, a guy might start out being confident when he begins dating a woman, which will make her feel attracted.
Yet, he will then become insecure and self-doubting around her, which will turn her off.
Alternatively, he might start out being a good guy who treats her really well, but then take her for granted and end up being a selfish, asshole type of guy towards her after a year or two.
In other cases, a guy might start out being on even terms with a woman, but then give her too much power in the relationship to the point where she controls him and bosses him around.
If that happens, she will then lose respect for him and as a result, she will struggle to feel attracted to him.
When a woman doesn’t feel attracted to a guy anymore, she will naturally begin thinking of what her life would be like if she left him.
If he continues to behave in an unattractive way and has no idea how to fix it and get the spark back, she will eventually get to the point where she leaves, or cheats on him and then leaves.
It seems so selfish of the woman to do that, but it’s just how romantic relationships between men and women work.
A woman is an individual and doesn’t have to stick with a guy for life just because she used to feel attracted to him.
As an individual, a man or woman can decide to leave a relationship if the attraction isn’t there anymore.
It’s just how it works.
It might hurt to hear that, or suck to experience it, but there’s no escaping it.
As a man, you have to know how to be attractive in a relationship, otherwise you will suffer the consequences at some point when she cheats or leaves.
Interesting question.
My dating philosophy has always been and still is about natural attraction.
I teach men how to be naturally attractive to women and once a man has that skill, everything falls into place for him.
Despite the changes that have happened to culture over the past 10 years, natural attraction has remained the same.
Why?
Culture is superficial and always changes over time (e.g. think about how shocking it used to be for a woman to wear a short skirt, or how people used to lose their virginity on their wedding night) even if people don’t want it to, but natural, primal attraction always remains the same.
No matter what happens in terms of superficial changes to culture, women always feel most attracted to confident men who can make them feel sparks of attraction by displaying behavioral traits that I teach in The Flow (e.g. charisma, humor, social intelligence, masculinity).
Most women don’t have a short guy on the top of their list in terms of what they want in a guy.
If you ask women about a guy’s height, most will say that they want a tall guy.
Yet, what I’ve found is that most women actually mean “taller than me” rather than “6 feet or taller” when they say, “I want a tall guy.”
Taller than her can mean that a woman is 5”5 and the guy is 5”7, for example.
Of course, if she had the choice, a 5”5 woman would usually choose a guy who is 6”0, rather than a short guy.
Yet, it’s important to understand that she doesn’t usually have a lot of choices with men in person.
On dating apps, she will get hit up by tall, good looking guys, but I’ve shown research on my Youtube channel that proves less than 30% of women have actually gone on a date as a result of using a dating app.
So, a short guy does have a chance, but he shouldn’t be trying to get that chance via a dating app.
On dating apps, most pretty women try to find a tall, good looking guy, rather than a short guy.
If a short guy wants to get himself a pretty girlfriend, who is shorter, the same height or taller than him, he should focus on doing that in person (i.e. approach and talk to women at bars, meet women through dance classes, meet women during the day).
Initially, when a short guy starts talking to a woman who doesn’t normally date guys who are shorter than her, she will usually be a bit guarded and try to prevent herself from feeling attracted.
The reason why, is that she’ll feel unsure about whether he could actually protect her and make her feel safe.
Yet, if he talks to her and she can see that he is confident, emotionally masculine and he’s not a wimpy guy (i.e. he’s a guy that other men will respect and won’t bully), then her instinctive need to feel safe is going to be triggered.
Not every pretty woman is going to accept a short guy, but a short guy can still attract and pick up many of the pretty women he meets.
I’ve seen that with my shorter friends (i.e. 5”3, 5”4, 5”5) who are confident and believe in themselves no matter what.
They’ve all picked up model-looking women in front of me and all have now settled down with pretty women.
I’ve also done it myself at 5”9, where I picked up multiple catwalk models and other hot, tall women despite those women towering over me.
It’s all about being able to attract women during interactions.
If you have that skill, you suddenly have options with women.
So, if a guy is short, he absolutely must learn how to attract women during conversations and he also needs to have rock solid confidence.
I provide both of those things via my eBook The Flow, which is also available in audiobook format.
The Flow is so good that I sincerely feel bad for all the single, lonely, frustrated men out there who will never read it or even know about it.
Only a small percentage of guys know about this stuff and most who learn it end up settling down with a pretty girl.
So, there is always plenty of opportunities for new guys to come along, learn it and then begin enjoying their choice of pretty women.
My favorite conversation starters are taught in The Flow, along with techniques to make the woman feel an intense natural attraction for you right away.
As a result, you don’t even have to say anything amazing when starting off.
You can just use a simple conversation starter and she’ll feel attracted, want to talk to you and want something to happen.
That said, one of my favorite conversation starters in a public place is to say, in a confident, easygoing tone of voice, “Hey, I thought I’d come over and say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?” and take it from there.
I’m currently working on a program about how to attract women via text.
I also have plans to make a program about having amazing sex, a program about flirting with women to create a sexual spark and program about ensuring that a first date results in sex or a relationship.
