If you’re going through a breakup and feeling the sting of loss, it’s time to take charge of your emotions and start the road to recovery. When you hit rock bottom it can be traumatizing, but you can recover faster if you start focusing on the right things.
The only thing we really have control of is ourselves, but not if you let bad habits control and dictate your life. Most of the relationship ending dramas in life we cause ourselves. Not intentionally, but we always will attract someone who matches our inner strength, and compliments our insecurities.
Many men and women will try to save relationships which don’t deserve to be saved; they should be left in the ashes of the insecurities that they started in.
This is why, if you really want to have amazing relationships the only thing that will make that happen is if you yourself are amazing. You have to be strong, set immovable boundaries, be able to say no, and never accept disrespect or neediness. All of this comes from our confidence and having a strong sense of self which others cannot take away.
The truth is, if you’re in a needy self destructive relationship you deserve it, because you’re in a relationship with yourself. It’s you, not your partner, because your partner is just a mirror of your inner world and what you’re willing to tolerate. We ignore red flags, rationalize bad behaviour from our partners, and we accept it all because of neediness.
To Start getting over your breakup woes here are 9 things you can do right now for yourself and ensure the next relationship is much better:
Start focusing on yourself
To heal your wounds and become a stronger person start by focusing on yourself. What have you been neglecting for this relationship? Focus inwards to start discovering what you have been missing because of the tunnel vision you developed from your last relationship, and then take to working on it.
Who do you want to be?
Create a clear vision of the kind of person you want to become in your life. What kind of lifestyle does that include? What kind of personality would you have?
Create new habits
Guaranteed some of the habits you brought into your relationship were self destructive, hence relationship destructive. Whatever they are it’s going to take some serious focus to identify them, and then to figure out what kind of habits will help you become the kind of person you want to be. These are the things you do daily.
Do something new
Being stagnant is a sure way to feel stuck. Discover a new activity, just for fun, and do it. You wont feel like doing anything at first but you will have to force yourself to get up and explore. Being stuck at home will increase your feelings of isolation and depression.
Exercise is at least as effective as an antidepressant and with none of the negative side effects. This is going to really suck at first because of course, you just don’t feel like doing anything, but don’t let your feelings stop you from moving forward. Start with a 20 minute walk every single morning, without exception, and you will have built in a light workout to your routine. Consider purchasing your very own fitness bike so you can workout from home.
Meditation really should be a part of your day, so try chugging a cup of coffee right before laying down with your timer on 20 minutes. Then let go of everything and focus on your breathing, some non vocal music, or even just observe your own thoughts.
Family and friends
Connect with your family and friends. Nothing will make you feel so alone as actually being disconnected to the people you’re close to, or could be close to.
Do something which scares you
Besides being a thrill, you will grow as a person by taking on more challenges. It might be a social fear you have, like walking up to and starting a conversation with a stranger, or maybe learning how to become assertive. Whatever it is, anything which scares you you’re probably avoiding. Stop avoiding your fears and start conquering your life.
A big goal
Achieving goals can be great, but the real benefit is how the exercise of achieving goals will make you into a better person. You will need to have grit, determination, and consistency, and these can be strengthened along the way.
A big goal will also take your attention off of the ultimately doomed or past relationship too; now you will be working on something which requires your attention.
P.S. I have a slightly different version (MBG edited) published on MindBodyGreen
I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF and many more. I want to help you get socially confident and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.
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