Whether you've got your eye on someone special or cast a wide net every weekend, asking out every woman in sight, there are bound to be a few of them that got away.
Dating can be a numbers game, but it's not all numbers. There are some key reasons that women will give out their phone number but not go on a date with you.
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None of us are strangers to fake numbers. A certain percentage of phone numbers that you receive won't be completely reliable.
Some women you exchange contact information with will do so with a passive interest in you. It'll be like her saying, "I see something that I like here, but I'm not entirely sold on the whole package." That means there is still a distance you have yet to cross to truly capture her interest.
The truth is if you really blew her away when you first met, it'd be way more likely that she'd want to see you again. Of course, that's not always the case.
Maybe she didn't really have the time to get to know you, or she didn't feel like you were initially her type. That can turn into her not really responding (if at all).
If you don't do something about this, then eventually, the interaction goes stale. There are five main reasons why they may not be sold on going on a date with you.
A number isn't necessarily good or bad. The key here lies in your ability to show those non-believers the way so that they respond to your text messages.
It's not unusual for a pretty girl to have her share of attention from multiple men. Not just from the guys she knows but from her social media, on the street, and the tons of drunk guys at the bar every weekend.
So much competition could leave you grouped in along with the rest of the brotherhood of boring men with only one thing on their minds.
What will set you apart from the others lurking in her inbox is being a refreshing drink of water in an ocean of otherwise static and boring guys.
Don't be afraid to show your unique personality. It's literally all you've got in this situation. This is when fully conveying who you are and separating yourself from the heard can give you the edge over the competition
Avoid being overly predictable. Asking general questions, or sticking to the bland "getting to know you" routine of "what do you do?" or "what's your favorite color?" can make an already half-interested person hesitant to respond. You've already introduced yourself formally. Now it's time to be a bit informal. Surprise her, hell, surprise yourself.
In some cases, you'll have to carry the conversation until they warm up to you. Guiding the conversation is a role that has many potential pitfalls, so you must avoid them. Things like being too serious, sticking to simple ideas, and failing to make the conversation flow naturally can all be your eventual downfall.
Ask yourself, "what are the things I would like her to know about me?" then show, don't tell. If you fancy yourself as an intellectual, show your knowledge in a quirky way. If you consider yourself somewhat of a badass, when the opportunity presents itself, throw a F bomb or two in there. Show her you don't give a dang.
Mastery over conveying your personality will take some practice if you're not used to it. There are three traits that can easily be put on display.
Another thing that can ruin a potential date is the pressure that it may cause.
Asking someone you've just met to spend three or four hours with you while you spend money on them before they've decided they even really like you is a bit much.
It's nice that you want to do those things, but it's too soon.
You want to focus on low risk, low investment, high reward scenarios for her (and you). These scenarios will offer the most relaxed and comfortable vibes and allow you both to leave anytime without much trouble.
Low risk means that the activity has little chance of something going wrong. Putting someone you barely know in a vulnerable environment tends to steer them away. Public, relaxed, and safe environments let a person feel more in control. The mindset you should both have is, "I might as well go. I wasn't doing anything anyway, and if I need to, I'll just leave."
Low investment dates allow a person not to feel pressured by any expectations that you may have. Low investment dates allow a person not to feel pressured by any expectations that you may have. Avoid anything that implies sex, relationship, spending a lot of money, drugs, a long date, or any kind of commitment.
Suggest things that you two were going to do anyway. Have a mid-morning coffee at Starbucks. Have her help you pick out a tie at the mall while she picks out shoes. What's important is that you show that you can make the most simple of activities enjoyable (without spending money on her).
The word "date" for some people implies a lot. Invite her to spend a noncommittal amount of time with you yet allow her the freedom to not assume that you two are "dating."
As long as it's understood that you are romantically interested in her, any meet-up will do just fine. It doesn't have to feel like a "date." When in doubt, refer to the KISS principle. That means "Keep it simple, stupid."
A high reward dating atmosphere exists when the previous two requirements are met. It all comes down to potential. Low risk and low investment create a one-two punch of being at ease and having a low bar to exceed. Two people talking and having a good time is all it takes to spark endless possibilities.
This is a common off switch. If you act like you've never been on a date in your life, that's exactly how she's going to treat you.
It's no secret that desperation is an unattractive trait. Issues of your own confidence need to be addressed first and foremost.
First, you have to be fine with being alone before you can successfully bring someone else into your life. If you cant achieve that right now, you can at least fake it for the time being.
Maybe, you've been going through a drought, and the pressure is getting to you. All these useless numbers are piling up with no success to show for it.
You need a win so bad you can't even see straight. It happens. What's not going to help you is trying to rush the process without laying the groundwork. That will always make you seem desperate. Slow down, allow time for the attraction to grow. If you two are really a good match, it will pay off
Neediness typically happens when you place yourself beneath someone in terms of quality. It shows in every move you make whether you're doing it consciously or not. It comes out in a variety of subtle low-value ways.
The underlying issues that cause a person to become dependent on someone else's validation can run deep. It could potentially take quite a bit of effort to remove those gut reactions of clinging to unhealthy ideas rather than reality. Fortunately, it's a very attainable goal, and help is available to you if you look for it.
Coaching in all forms of content on confidence, self-esteem, and integrity is readily available to you. You have to take the plunge yourself. In addition to that, you must get in the habit of putting those teachings into practice. Focus on becoming aware of when the feelings of unwarranted jealousy or anger creep into your mind. Acknowledge it, and ask yourself if this is a rational behavior or a toxic one. Then adjust accordingly.
If you'd like to take a more natural approach, then attempt dating multiple women. Casually dating several people makes it easier not to put any specific one on a pedestal. This principle is called abundance. You'll be acting from a place of fulfillment and not scarcity. When you have that abundance for long periods, you'll find that some needy behaviors tend to fade away. Those new, confident emotions will stick with you when you decide to become more serious with one partner.
One thing that'll get you left on read every time is if she feels that you two don't seem to have the same intentions.
Unclear intent is what happens when you show inconsistencies in your actions. You treat her like she's the only girl for you, but then you're on snap chat tongue kissing randoms on the dance floor every weekend. You act as if you're not looking for anything serious, but then you interrogate her about the revealing outfit she's wearing today.
You could be giving relationship vibes when she's really just looking for a fling and vice versa. Even if that's not the case, that might be the behavior you're unknowingly exhibiting.
Perhaps she just doesn't know what to expect from you. It's just easier to ghost you now while she has no attachment than to go through the trouble of trying to read your signals anymore.
Being clear in your intent saves time and energy, and allows you two to be in a conjoined context. Often it's best to convey that you're not looking for anything serious, but you're open to it. If that's the case, then you should communicate that by simply telling them. Otherwise, it can come off as you are dishonest or confused about what you want. Make it clear so that there is no confusion.
There are times when you will find yourself in a situation where you thought things were going great, but now suddenly it ain't so good. Something out of your control may be to blame.
A death in the family, a new boyfriend, maybe she's in the middle of a life change, etc. Countless random scenarios can leave someone not interested anymore. Sometimes they'll just stop responding without explanation or warning. After you've finished worrying about her safety and realize she's not at the bottom of a lake somewhere, reality begins to set in. It's over.
It may sting a bit for the time being, but you will move past it. Getting angry or obsessed with finding out what is going on will only contribute to you seeming needy. You have to accept the loss and move on. It'll do you no good to go chasing a ghost.
There will be times when someone randomly stops talking to you, and then weeks or months later, they're suddenly back with apologies, excuses and sob stories. You will have to decide if letting them back into your life is worth it. Will it be at the cost of your integrity? Would it even matter?
The best way to avoid these problems is to create a great, lasting first impression. You do that by applying what's covered in this post to the FIRST time you meet them. Be engaging, noncommittal, abundant, and show clear intent. If she's interested in spending time with you, then spend it getting to know each other. The first time that you meet her is the first date. Don't waste your opportunity.
Also, when you get those petty phone numbers, understand the role that you're in. Put yourself in her shoes. You don't have to be smoother than a pair of lady legs on a first date. You just have to stand out as someone who understands what she needs to feel comfortable and free around you. If you can do that, then you've done your duty as a mature man.
So check yourself at the door when before you contact someone. Make a mental checklist of your bad habits. Ask yourself if you're not standing, or if you're not clear in your intent. Evaluate your emotions as you communicate with someone. Ask yourself if what you feel is an unhealthy craving for attention right now. Or maybe you feel resentment against them for an erroneous reason. These may be signs that you need to take a second to regroup your mental state and switch gears.
Let me know about a time that a petty number didn't work out for you. Where do you think it went wrong? Did you learn something from it? Tell me in the comments. Subscribe to Conquer and Win for tips and guidance on crushing it with women and in life.
Stay humble my kings.
Jerome is a writer that explores the tragic, exciting, and confusing world that lies between the head, the heart, and the junk.
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