Remember those old Bond movies?
Where they used to have female Eastern European spies (actually played by Western women)?
They’d always be portrayed as dangerous and cold femme fatales. Women that you really shouldn’t lower your guard against.
Movies often represent a population’s general impression of something. And in my experience, that impression of Slavic women hasn’t changed all that much in the last five decades.
That's probably why Westerners have quite a similar image of Slavic women.
If you were to ask 100 Western men on the street what they associate with Eastern European or Slavic women, you’d receive answers like:
Many North Americans are also taken aback by the fact that these women don’t smile easily.
I’ve been living in Russia for the past four years. Some of those stereotypes are true but many are not.
Dating Slavic women will teach you a helluva lot about women, yourself and your dating skills.
You might not experience every single one of the following 10 lessons. But those of you who already have dated Slavic women will violently nod in agreement more often than not.
Every single man that has ever dated a Slavic woman will tell you the same thing:
Confidence equates to strength. Strength means male prowess in Eastern Europe.
Strong men are able to provide and protect.
This is a man’s function after all.
These girls are also extremely competent at sniffing out “fake confidence”. PUA tricks will get you some results but definitely not the same as in Western countries.
And let’s be honest, they mostly stopped working there as well sometime around 2007.
If you talk to Western men that don’t have a ton of experience with Eastern European women, you’ll hear them say some version of this:
I wouldn’t say they have “game” per se but you definitely can “fake it till you make it” only until a certain degree.
Bring real confidence to the table, especially if you plan on dating top tier women.
They will test you relentlessly.
Pickup is a concept that’s not alien to Eastern European countries. Go sit in a mall in any bigger city and you’ll inevitably observe a few guys that are stopping women and “running game” on them.
I wouldn’t say that pickup has a bad reputation around here but it doesn’t have a positive one either.
It’s seen as an unnatural gimmick that Americans invented for guys who don’t know how to talk to girls naturally (which is sort of true…).
In Eastern Europe, it’s assumed that you know how to talk to and date women.
Pickup is not a tool that helps you to improve but a way of tricking her into sleeping with you.
When you hear the following from a Slavic woman, you know that you screwed up somewhere along the way:
“Are you one of those pickup guys?”
“Is this a pickup line?”
“Are you trying to pick me up?”
Pickup is for boys. Stop being a boy and become a man.
Having dating success often comes down to the mistakes you avoid instead of what you actually do right.
One mistake that you might fall into with these women is trying to be too funny. In Western countries, you can get away with a lot. In fact, being entertaining will help you not hurt you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating looking miserable all the time and being a Debbie Downer. But you should err on the side of being serious instead of being funny.
Research by Russia’s respected Levada Center found that Russian women value a man’s intelligence first and his ability to make money second.
I don’t know where humor ranked on this list but it’s clearly not a priority.
Keep in mind that humor in Eastern Europe is quite a bit different from what Western Europeans and Americans find funny.
Sarcasm isn’t a thing here, so you should definitely hold back with that. Cracking the occasional joke is fine.
Here’s a rule of thumb I like to follow.
If she asks you why you’re so serious, you answer that real men need to be serious. You laugh when there’s a real reason to. I can guarantee that will make an impression on her.
Many men that date a Slavic woman for the first time find the difference between them and the women they’re used to so refreshing.
They do indeed love being women in the best possible sense of the word: dressing in a feminine way, shopping, makeup, enjoying “girly things” and all that jazz. There’s one thing though that women love more than anything else:
Attention: Especially attention from men they find desirable and specifically sexual attention.
Slavic women love the game. They love feeling desired, they love when you “chase” them and they love when they feel like you “overcame her resistance”. The courting process is alive and well in Eastern Europe.
If she feels like you actively, genuinely desire her, she’ll go out of her way to make you happy (in every sense imaginable…).
There are many ways to express this desire. You can try material gifts but that will set the wrong frame and give her the wrong incentives.
Better to go with memorable experiences and adrenaline rushes. Think outside the box because the reward is more than worth it.
My experience with this might be different from what you’ll experience so take this with a grain of salt.
I personally found that dirty talk does work well but you have to be super careful how to use it.
If you speak an Eastern European language, it’s easy to sound too rude or crass.
That kills the vibe completely.
While you can slip in the occasional “dirty word” in English, this can come across as too bold and too direct in her native language.
English is a minefield as well.
In some Eastern European countries (Czech Republic, Croatia) girls have decent English, in others (Russia, Ukraine) not so much.
Your silver tongue might get you in trouble – use it strategically.
That goes not only for dirty talk but all sorts of communication.
Native English speakers should be prepared to “dumb down” their English unless they’re dating a Slavic girl in the West or she has a really good command of English.
The language barrier can get real, especially if you actually start dating her.
You do want to be careful with your language in certain instances. But you don't need to speak her native language to pique her curiosity.
Your personality and your experience with women are far more important than any language skills you might have.
I speak fluent Russian and I can’t remember if that has ever directly helped me to be more successful with the local girls.
Yes, it’s easier to communicate with them. I’m also not restricted in who I can date.
But at the end of the day, there are many more factors at work here than just language: your looks, your personality, your status, your body language,…
At best, it facilitates things but at worst it can be a hindrance. If you have the option, always choose to speak the language you feel most comfortable in.
So far, I mostly have talked about how Slavic girls are different. But the truth is, there are many similarities as well.
Any man who’s worth his salt with women knows that being bold is the way to go.
Winners are rewarded and losers get nothing.
You win far more than you lose by making your intentions clear right away.
With Slavic women, that works especially well. They love confidence and they love the chase.
Any form of beating around the bush will only hinder your progress with them.
A good old-fashioned compliment goes a long way. As does establishing strong boundaries from the get-go.
Being bold is always a display of strength and as you know by now, that’s an instant winner with these women.
This isn’t restricted to interactions with girls that you already know or those who have demonstrated an interest in you.
On the contrary, you want to be bold with women you don’t know because that will save you a lot of time, money and nerves as well.
Gold diggers can only dig for gold if the man isn’t bold and direct enough to let them know he doesn’t tolerate this sort of behavior.
For all the cultural differences you’ll experience, one thing’s for sure:
Basic dynamics between men and women are the same anywhere.
Some basic dating rules apply as much to Eastern European women as to any other woman too:
These are all basic things that you should know already. Any man that starts dating Slavic (or other foreign) women will quickly come to two conclusions.
First, understanding female psychology is much more important than anything else. If you can do that and act accordingly, you will be highly successful with women anywhere.
Second, female psychology doesn’t change at country borders. Yes, Russian women have slightly other values and interests than North American women. At the end of the day though, attraction works the same way all around the globe.
To put it bluntly, if your game is tight, you’ll have a field day dating Eastern European women.
Culture is a very particular topic. Some claim you can never have a deep relationship with a girl if you don’t know her culture. Others argue that its effect is overstated.
Personally, I don’t give a dime about culture. I enjoy history and languages but most girls aren’t too interested in those topics. Literature isn’t in my ballpark but particularly in Russia, the women read a lot of it.
At the end of the day, my knowledge of culture (or lack thereof) has never “gotten me girls”.
Sometimes I read opinions from guys that are completely in love with Slavic women despite never actually having dating them.
I can only shake my head at that.
You shouldn’t turn to other countries to look for greener pastures or a “better culture” because that’s a recipe for disaster.
You’ll always have an easier time dating someone who grew up with the same culture, education and traditions as you did.
If you’re from North America, you understand North American humor, pop culture and references much better than any other. It will always be easier to make an American girl laugh than a girl that “doesn’t get it”.
You start seeing someone regularly. Your bond grows more intimate and you get to know the girl on a deeper level.
There are benefits to knowing how she thinks and why.
Eastern Europe and the West are similar but still different. Perspectives and traditions on different topics (gender roles for example) differ.
Your long-term dating success will skyrocket if you’re aware of this.
Women from different countries all have their own particular vibes:
Of course, I’m generalizing here because each woman is different. But stereotypes don’t appear out of nowhere. I found this common denominator to be true more often than not.
You’ll find that with dating foreign women, mirroring or complementing their vibe yields the best results.
Some girls enjoy your “foreignness”. It’s new and exciting for them.
For Slavic women, that usually means dating a man who’s very sociable, cares about his appearance and is passionate. The reason South American men do so well is that they display all of these traits.
Other women love it when you “get them” and their culture. You have to be tuned into what’s happening locally and have a good command of the language.
When you hear “I can’t believe you know this” or “It’s like you’re Russian too” then you’re doing something right.
Find what works best with your own personality and which women that resonates with the best and you’ll never be alone again.
At this point you must be thinking:
“That’s all well and good Ivan but give me actionable advice on how to achieve that!”
I can't tell you what will work for you. But I can share some of the "hacks" that have helped me personally improve and become a better man.
I put “hacks” in quotations because, in reality, there are no hacks. Nothing worth having comes easy.
That’s why I won’t give you non-advice like “go lift bro”, “make more money” and all that jazz.
You should know that.
I use these regularly but none of them are of my own creation. I learned from other people and share what works for me.
My advice is to try them out and see whether it works for you too.
By nature, I’m a neutral person. I’m not Mr. Sunshine but not a Debbie Downer either.
I’ve noticed that irrationally confident people tend to have a great deal of success.
That’s why one habit I adapted from these people is putting myself in a good mental state by using affirmations.
I artificially pump myself up in the morning to get in the right mood.
Maybe you remember the movie Jerry Maguire:
That’s kind of what I do as well. It sounds a bit silly but it works.
By consciously banning negative thoughts and self-doubt from your mind, over time, you do develop a more positive and confident attitude.
Use whichever affirmation works for you.
It can be related to girls, money, confidence or whatever your goal is.
The most important thing is saying it as you mean it.
With the same conviction that Jerry Maguire had.
Pretty much all people say one thing and do another:
“This year I will make 100K$ per year” (then goes on to play Xbox)
Your words have no value. You not only lie to others but more importantly, you lie to yourself.
There’s no way you can become a respectable man if you do not even respect your own word.
Mean what you say.
Stop devaluing your word.
Next time you tell a girl “I’m leaving if you come 15 minutes late”, DO IT.
You might lose her over it but you will gain much more in the long run.
People will start respecting you a lot more because your word has value.
An ex-secret service guy whom I work with told me:
“I do not think about whether something is difficult or easy. If it needs to be done, I just do it.”
That struck the right note with me.
It’s easier said than done but when you manage to think of tasks in a rational rather than emotional way, you pretty much have already won.
Your confidence will grow because you get more done.
When you get more done, you become more successful.
Girls notice and start respecting you more.
It’s a virtuous circle.
Unsurprisingly, this particular gentleman lives in a penthouse overlooking Moscow. If his way works for him, I know it can work for me as well and so far it has.
I'm sure you learned a lot from this article. But if you want to learn even more about dating feminine women and life in Russia and Eastern Europe, you should follow me on Twitter and sign up to my email list on my website.
I'm the founder of Conquer & Win, and since 2011 I've been helping guys get into great relationships, build their core values as men, and become confident. I'm published on Lifehack, Order of Man, POF and many more. I want to help you get socially confident and live to your full potential. Feel free to contact me here.
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